Progress?

So this is kinda old but still relevant... I just havent been blogging for a long time now.

Certain people are advancing their status and or positions at work. And they deserve it. But when hearing about it I got kinda jealous and frustrated. Lame! What is super lame is that I assume or think I have the opportunity potential to move up at work (maybe I'm wrong though?), and I have consciously made a choice not to. I know this. So it shouldnt affect me when other people are moving up and I am not. It shouldnt at all. I made that choice. I'm the one that told myself to avoid moving up at work, based upon school in relation to moving up at a job in the past. I completely forgot about school.

But it does affect me, or did. What is my problem? Is that competitiveness or something? Whatever it is, its lame. Maybe part of it, is that progress with school is so slow. I dont know. May it feels like nothing is happening since Its going so slow.

Where's the Beef?

I just wrote another blog post on my other blog about something I already know I need to do, or change or work at.
But I guess it applies to more than one topic.

Last nite was our company party and it was fun, very fun. We has all been looking forward to it for some time. These twice a year parties the company really goes all out for

I got a great buzz going without puking, a little dancing, and lots of tittie grabbing, and quite a few times of burying my head in breasts. So it was a handful of fun.

I brought my sister again, and of course all the guys kept telling me how hot my sister is, and she is, and super sweet and social too... I love her. And maybe I just realized I might be jealous of her. Not like spiteful jealous but in a sense that.. fuck I want boys to say that about me hahahha

The thing about it is, that amidst all the fun and drunkenness, I still feel somewhat alone and isolated. I honestly can't remember when is the last time I shared a true moment with someone. Now I know I have shared feelings and thoughts and dreams with Ijeoma and Maria and a few others at work as well. What I am missing is that intimate moment that becomes a memory or a new light that shines on someone, or some small shared experience that is somehow a little more... Really what it might be is that I have not made these moments possible

Its funny when you find your own thoughts or feelings echoed elswhere... Jim sent a friend request on Myspace, so I read one of his blogs, and it seemed to be a different slant on how I have been feeling. Somewhat of a desire or feeling to connect with people in general. Have I built up too many walls, put myself in a corner, too picky, too lazy, too scared to share anything of myself? Well in Jim's blog he was mainly speaking of friends new and old... my general thoughts have been more about finding a boyfriend, but also knowing that I don't have any really strong bonds here in Vegas.

Going out with girls is fun and everything, but grabbing a hold of some good melons is strangely safe... I need something else. Where's the beef?

Maybe I enjoy burying my head in boobies because it is a safe place to hide from what I really want.

I don't just mean cock or boys, but the substance, something more that you can sink your teeth into, Something to chew on, something deeper.

I want a boyfriend who I can share dreams and ambitions, moments and memories, new experiences and so forth, but it would also be nice to have friends here in Vegas I share this with as well.

I LOVE my friends in LA (including Stef, Terrell, and Kathy who are in other cities) but I feel the need for true connections here. Much of this is my own fault, yet at the same time I haven't felt like there is anyone I can truly identify and connect with or whose goals and dreams parallel my own. I probably just need to give people in general more of a chance.