Sometimes you’re sooooo happy, n for no fuckin reason at all. And you stop and think for just a second “Why the hell am I so ridiculously giddy?” Then you stop and realize...
why do I have to question just enjoy it lamo
Listening to:
Rebellion (Lies) - The Arcade Fire
WhIte Russian Galaxy - The Crimea
Summer Girl - Beck
The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Float On - Modest Mouse
Ladyflash - The Go! Team
Marvo Ging - The Chemical Brothers
Numb - U2
-all on repeat over and over and over wooooooooo!
Friday, April 28, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Little, yellow, different
Alot is still so new to me in homoland. Still alot to figure out and experience. Im such a virgin to the strange new world of fagdom
Some of the events of Saturday, and the recalling of past memories is starting to bring things into focus I think. Seemed like I was getting grabbed quit a bit on Saturday. And now I'm starting to think that I may be expected to be a bottomboy!
I'm relatively shorter, smaller, and asian.... I'm fuckin Nuprin: Little, yellow, ... different
Saturday I got grabbed, pulled to the dancefloor, and turned around by different guys. Now this happens often to guys in gay clubs, and it has happened to me before. I think this time, it was just all at once, and a little more obvious - Other times it didn't seem as if guys were more the aggressor, or overly so, unless they were just insanely Alien gross that you just blocked it out. This time it was just that all of them were trying to act dominant I think.
Like the one that I wanted, he kept turning me around so he could get behind me, and we kept switching to try to get behind each other like a dog trying to catch his tail.
I wonder if there is an assumption for me to be a good little asian bottom bitch?
~ Giggles to self, covering his mouth, body shyly curled into a ball while laughing
Some of the events of Saturday, and the recalling of past memories is starting to bring things into focus I think. Seemed like I was getting grabbed quit a bit on Saturday. And now I'm starting to think that I may be expected to be a bottomboy!
I'm relatively shorter, smaller, and asian.... I'm fuckin Nuprin: Little, yellow, ... different
Saturday I got grabbed, pulled to the dancefloor, and turned around by different guys. Now this happens often to guys in gay clubs, and it has happened to me before. I think this time, it was just all at once, and a little more obvious - Other times it didn't seem as if guys were more the aggressor, or overly so, unless they were just insanely Alien gross that you just blocked it out. This time it was just that all of them were trying to act dominant I think.
Like the one that I wanted, he kept turning me around so he could get behind me, and we kept switching to try to get behind each other like a dog trying to catch his tail.
I wonder if there is an assumption for me to be a good little asian bottom bitch?
~ Giggles to self, covering his mouth, body shyly curled into a ball while laughing
Monday, April 24, 2006
Rights vs Values
I was having a discussion over on Ryan’s blog about One’s own personal choices in terms of values, lifestyle, etc. and where that fits into a Democratic society. This of course quickly turned into a discussion of Freedom Tolerance and Personal Responsibility and how these all tie together. It brought up many issues of where America is and what is wrong not just with our government but our culture
This all started as a result of Ryan witnessing a Lady complain to Baskin Robins for selling her child a caffeinated dessert… A Cappuccino Blast
The biggest question that seemed to come out of the discussion is “Where is the line between Personal Moral/Value Choices, Government Control (in the form of laws, censorship, regulation), and Tolerance. How can people of varying cultures, beliefs, backgrounds, values etc live together under one common rule, and where do we as individuals draw in the in terms of placing our own value system within the wider scope of the nation, - which includes not only federal government, but local governments, businesses, schools, neighbors churches entertainment etc.
For me the answer has always been fairly simple. We just like to overcomplicate things. . In my mind at least, it is simple and clear:
All we need is the basic bill of rights. Start from there, everything else revolves around that. It should be the center and focus. For the whole purpose of government is to serve the people and provide services that a collective is far more capable of achieving. And every law must be written from the point to which none of these human rights are violated. No law should be written that does not take these rights into account or that violates any one of them.
Your basic rights in simple non-legal terms:
1. Right to life
2. Right to vote
3. Right to fair trial by jury
4. Right to bear arms
5. Right to practice or not practice own religion/beliefs etc
6. Right to freedom of speech
7. Freedom/ownership of one’s own being/body
8. Right to death
9. Freedom of thought
10. Freedom of assembly
11. Right to a decent education
12. Right to healthcare
13. Right to ownership of property (land, goods, copyrights, etc)
14. Right to basic protection or person and properties (police, firemen etc)
So I added/changed some and missed some probably - it was slapped together quickly, just to get the idea across. But basically every law should revolve around individual basic rights – NOT values, NOT morals, NOT religious beliefs.
If the goal of Democracy truly is about creating a society where individual freedoms are promoted and perpetuated, than individual beliefs, values, and morals cannot interfere as they unnecessarily complicate, leave out, or oppose other belief systems.
The cardinal rule is: No law can violate any of these basic human rights. If basic human rights and individual beliefs and value systems are to be upheld, laws then should only be centered around these rights and in support and protection of them
So some might ask “How can we live without instilling a sense of values or moral judgment into the law?” Simple, basic human rights already cover this. The law protects against harm to person or property. If rights are violated, the action is illegal. It protects against harm, while providing the judgment free space for one to practice their individual beliefs.
I do not understand why it is so difficult for people to allow others live their lives the way they want to. If it doesn’t affect you it is not your business. As long as no one’s rights are violated there should be no problem. The only problem is that people want to force their views, values, or lifestyle upon others. Why is there problem with suicide? If someone wants to end their life, this is their choice (as long as they are of sound mind). That should be their right to decide. Euthanasia should not be a problem.
Even drugs. If someone wants to take them, let them. Just control certain aspects that could interfere/violate with the rights of others like driving under the influence. More accidents are caused by Cell phone use than drug use. Cigarettes are far more harmful than Marijuana, yet one is legal and the other is not. The thing itself should not be illegal. The real problem here is the “moral” issue surrounding drugs. If it were truly about the real practical danger to society, and that is the number one factor, far more things would be outlawed before drugs. Even experimental drugs should be allowed – If patients are given full disclosure about what is and isn’t known about experimental drugs or treatments, and if it has passed FDA inspections/guidelines etc, they should be given the choice to take them.
If it doesn’t affect your own rights, what is the problem? Isn’t that what we should be asking ourselves? Why is this country so obsessed with pushing our own beliefs on others, while at the same time claiming to promote Freedom and Democracy? Do we really value freedom then? Do we even know what freedom is when we still refuse to let others live their own lives, under their system of beliefs? Do Americans understand that their own beliefs and choices are their own responsibility? We seem to want the government to adopt our own system of values, enforce them upon others, and do the work for us. This seems to be in large part due to laziness, lack of ownership for our own choices, and unwanting to put in the work and effort it takes to uphold our own value system
Responsibility for ones own value system is a whole other issue that would take another blog topic.
This all started as a result of Ryan witnessing a Lady complain to Baskin Robins for selling her child a caffeinated dessert… A Cappuccino Blast
The biggest question that seemed to come out of the discussion is “Where is the line between Personal Moral/Value Choices, Government Control (in the form of laws, censorship, regulation), and Tolerance. How can people of varying cultures, beliefs, backgrounds, values etc live together under one common rule, and where do we as individuals draw in the in terms of placing our own value system within the wider scope of the nation, - which includes not only federal government, but local governments, businesses, schools, neighbors churches entertainment etc.
For me the answer has always been fairly simple. We just like to overcomplicate things. . In my mind at least, it is simple and clear:
All we need is the basic bill of rights. Start from there, everything else revolves around that. It should be the center and focus. For the whole purpose of government is to serve the people and provide services that a collective is far more capable of achieving. And every law must be written from the point to which none of these human rights are violated. No law should be written that does not take these rights into account or that violates any one of them.
Your basic rights in simple non-legal terms:
1. Right to life
2. Right to vote
3. Right to fair trial by jury
4. Right to bear arms
5. Right to practice or not practice own religion/beliefs etc
6. Right to freedom of speech
7. Freedom/ownership of one’s own being/body
8. Right to death
9. Freedom of thought
10. Freedom of assembly
11. Right to a decent education
12. Right to healthcare
13. Right to ownership of property (land, goods, copyrights, etc)
14. Right to basic protection or person and properties (police, firemen etc)
So I added/changed some and missed some probably - it was slapped together quickly, just to get the idea across. But basically every law should revolve around individual basic rights – NOT values, NOT morals, NOT religious beliefs.
If the goal of Democracy truly is about creating a society where individual freedoms are promoted and perpetuated, than individual beliefs, values, and morals cannot interfere as they unnecessarily complicate, leave out, or oppose other belief systems.
The cardinal rule is: No law can violate any of these basic human rights. If basic human rights and individual beliefs and value systems are to be upheld, laws then should only be centered around these rights and in support and protection of them
So some might ask “How can we live without instilling a sense of values or moral judgment into the law?” Simple, basic human rights already cover this. The law protects against harm to person or property. If rights are violated, the action is illegal. It protects against harm, while providing the judgment free space for one to practice their individual beliefs.
I do not understand why it is so difficult for people to allow others live their lives the way they want to. If it doesn’t affect you it is not your business. As long as no one’s rights are violated there should be no problem. The only problem is that people want to force their views, values, or lifestyle upon others. Why is there problem with suicide? If someone wants to end their life, this is their choice (as long as they are of sound mind). That should be their right to decide. Euthanasia should not be a problem.
Even drugs. If someone wants to take them, let them. Just control certain aspects that could interfere/violate with the rights of others like driving under the influence. More accidents are caused by Cell phone use than drug use. Cigarettes are far more harmful than Marijuana, yet one is legal and the other is not. The thing itself should not be illegal. The real problem here is the “moral” issue surrounding drugs. If it were truly about the real practical danger to society, and that is the number one factor, far more things would be outlawed before drugs. Even experimental drugs should be allowed – If patients are given full disclosure about what is and isn’t known about experimental drugs or treatments, and if it has passed FDA inspections/guidelines etc, they should be given the choice to take them.
If it doesn’t affect your own rights, what is the problem? Isn’t that what we should be asking ourselves? Why is this country so obsessed with pushing our own beliefs on others, while at the same time claiming to promote Freedom and Democracy? Do we really value freedom then? Do we even know what freedom is when we still refuse to let others live their own lives, under their system of beliefs? Do Americans understand that their own beliefs and choices are their own responsibility? We seem to want the government to adopt our own system of values, enforce them upon others, and do the work for us. This seems to be in large part due to laziness, lack of ownership for our own choices, and unwanting to put in the work and effort it takes to uphold our own value system
Responsibility for ones own value system is a whole other issue that would take another blog topic.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Manly Boys Play with Adult Toys
Stand me up next to your average flaming queer stereotype, and yes I will appear straight. But line me with up with some straightboys, and a game of find the faggot will end fast
I am discovering, and really enjoying now, the times when Its really damn obvious I am gay. It's usually little odd pleasures. Probably the most obvious thing is my new fondness for titties that was not present before I accepted my gayness. Before they were foreign objects that I was supposed to like and be aroused from, but I just didn't understand at all. And now they are naughty toys that I can play with occasionally and other boys can't, but I still get no arousal from. It really does feel like I am a kid who has just discovered, and been given a huge chest of toys that very few kids are allowed to play with.
When I come across things now that other boys/men seem so capable of, and are SUPPOSED to be able to do, I have a good time with it. These used to be painful angst filled shortcomings, which are now giddy times that seem like I am playing.
Something as simple as going to Home Depot, picking up a hanger-rod, and sawing off the amount of ft that I need myself, is now fun and I get a childlike kick out of it, while when I was closeted it was something to worry about - Because, you know, sawing a single piece of wood is a huge accomplishment for a faggot haha. There used to be an overwhelming thought of: "Shit! If I can't do this simple thing too, than thats more proof your Nancy ass is gay, and wants a ride". No matter how small or simple the task was, inadequacy and proof of manhood/straightness always clouded everything and really got in the way. This even carried over past coming out, and there might be small traces of it left.
What is ironic is that further embrace and acceptance of my gayness has made me more of a man. This is not just in terms of general comfort/confidence in one's self, but how that truly affects things that should have always been simple. The freedom allows me not to worry about these stupid things. Without that worry and fear I am far more capable and a shitload more fun. Little things missed/avoided and not learned as a boy growing up are now fun and make me feel like a little boy and a man at once. If ever that thought/fear of what it would mean If I'm not good at something that real straight men should be capable of, I quickly realize "Shit sucka your Nancy ass IS gay and does wants a ride (but also want to drive as well)"
It also opens up alot of things, like say if I every wanted to be a hair stylist or designer...
Well shit I'm gay now, I can do that. Also another realization that comes to mind occasionally is "Hey wait Im gay now, I'm supposed to suck at this shit, that's one stereotype that I will admit to fully" hahaha. Another frequent disclaimer I find myself saying alot lately is "When I was straight..." I LOVE that line, cuz well.. I never was straight, but there were times I fully believed it to be possible, and there was the mentality to live my life as a straight boy - who happens to be in touch with his feminine side, watches decorating shows on HGTV, watches the Golden Girls, sucks at sports, and knows nothing about sports except which athletes are hot. Who is my favorite football team? Patriots. Why? Cuz Tom Brady is hot
Listening to:
Deeper Shade of Soul by Urban Dance Squad
I am discovering, and really enjoying now, the times when Its really damn obvious I am gay. It's usually little odd pleasures. Probably the most obvious thing is my new fondness for titties that was not present before I accepted my gayness. Before they were foreign objects that I was supposed to like and be aroused from, but I just didn't understand at all. And now they are naughty toys that I can play with occasionally and other boys can't, but I still get no arousal from. It really does feel like I am a kid who has just discovered, and been given a huge chest of toys that very few kids are allowed to play with.
When I come across things now that other boys/men seem so capable of, and are SUPPOSED to be able to do, I have a good time with it. These used to be painful angst filled shortcomings, which are now giddy times that seem like I am playing.
Something as simple as going to Home Depot, picking up a hanger-rod, and sawing off the amount of ft that I need myself, is now fun and I get a childlike kick out of it, while when I was closeted it was something to worry about - Because, you know, sawing a single piece of wood is a huge accomplishment for a faggot haha. There used to be an overwhelming thought of: "Shit! If I can't do this simple thing too, than thats more proof your Nancy ass is gay, and wants a ride". No matter how small or simple the task was, inadequacy and proof of manhood/straightness always clouded everything and really got in the way. This even carried over past coming out, and there might be small traces of it left.
What is ironic is that further embrace and acceptance of my gayness has made me more of a man. This is not just in terms of general comfort/confidence in one's self, but how that truly affects things that should have always been simple. The freedom allows me not to worry about these stupid things. Without that worry and fear I am far more capable and a shitload more fun. Little things missed/avoided and not learned as a boy growing up are now fun and make me feel like a little boy and a man at once. If ever that thought/fear of what it would mean If I'm not good at something that real straight men should be capable of, I quickly realize "Shit sucka your Nancy ass IS gay and does wants a ride (but also want to drive as well)"
It also opens up alot of things, like say if I every wanted to be a hair stylist or designer...
Well shit I'm gay now, I can do that. Also another realization that comes to mind occasionally is "Hey wait Im gay now, I'm supposed to suck at this shit, that's one stereotype that I will admit to fully" hahaha. Another frequent disclaimer I find myself saying alot lately is "When I was straight..." I LOVE that line, cuz well.. I never was straight, but there were times I fully believed it to be possible, and there was the mentality to live my life as a straight boy - who happens to be in touch with his feminine side, watches decorating shows on HGTV, watches the Golden Girls, sucks at sports, and knows nothing about sports except which athletes are hot. Who is my favorite football team? Patriots. Why? Cuz Tom Brady is hot
Listening to:
Deeper Shade of Soul by Urban Dance Squad
Grab it!
So I'm not quite at the point of "you'll do"...
Tonight was fun and overanalyzation free. It started out at PT's for Abby's bday gathering. She had quite a crowd going there, and rightfully so since she is such a sweetheart to everyone. I got pretty loaded fairly fast - I love being a light-weight. I had a great time, and got to grab some titties, which I absolutely LOVE doing when drunk. I love how wrong it is. Yet I can get away with it, and straight guys have this look of absolute jealousy, and for a small tiny moment wish they were gay too.
I REALLY wanted to go to Beauty Bar afterwards cuz I was really itchin to get my groove on to some great indierock n 80s. But Im glad we didnt. The Fruit Loop was closer (this is the small circle of gay clubs, appropriately named). This was the safer choice since we were still pretty damn inebriated driving over there. I am glad I went to a gay club instead of Beauty Bar, havent been to either in quite some time. The music was slightly better than the usual gay ass generic houseshit they usually play.
This time I was not hiding behind a hoodie at all. I was in full dancepimp mode and got to get slightly raunchy with a cute boy. and some OK ones as well. "You'll Do" never quite got off the ground, as a few OK guys grabbed me to dance and I really didn't respond to them at all, and left the floor - I need to learn to be nicer about these things Im bad about the awkwardness of no chemistry - I feel so uncomfortable that I awkwardly just leave. And "You'll Do" certainly didn't come to mind when an OLD man grabbed my frightened crotch immediately upon introduction... GROSS! YOU WILL NOT DO.
Unfornately,I was able to reel them in tonight, but not keep them. Well only one of them was a disappointment that it didnt get any further, I wanted that cute one!
And at the end of the night, I still could only think about Koob... I'm so lame! I need a BF!
Tonight was fun and overanalyzation free. It started out at PT's for Abby's bday gathering. She had quite a crowd going there, and rightfully so since she is such a sweetheart to everyone. I got pretty loaded fairly fast - I love being a light-weight. I had a great time, and got to grab some titties, which I absolutely LOVE doing when drunk. I love how wrong it is. Yet I can get away with it, and straight guys have this look of absolute jealousy, and for a small tiny moment wish they were gay too.
I REALLY wanted to go to Beauty Bar afterwards cuz I was really itchin to get my groove on to some great indierock n 80s. But Im glad we didnt. The Fruit Loop was closer (this is the small circle of gay clubs, appropriately named). This was the safer choice since we were still pretty damn inebriated driving over there. I am glad I went to a gay club instead of Beauty Bar, havent been to either in quite some time. The music was slightly better than the usual gay ass generic houseshit they usually play.
This time I was not hiding behind a hoodie at all. I was in full dancepimp mode and got to get slightly raunchy with a cute boy. and some OK ones as well. "You'll Do" never quite got off the ground, as a few OK guys grabbed me to dance and I really didn't respond to them at all, and left the floor - I need to learn to be nicer about these things Im bad about the awkwardness of no chemistry - I feel so uncomfortable that I awkwardly just leave. And "You'll Do" certainly didn't come to mind when an OLD man grabbed my frightened crotch immediately upon introduction... GROSS! YOU WILL NOT DO.
Unfornately,I was able to reel them in tonight, but not keep them. Well only one of them was a disappointment that it didnt get any further, I wanted that cute one!
And at the end of the night, I still could only think about Koob... I'm so lame! I need a BF!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
You'll Do
Quick entry - My obsessions with 3 guys need to end: Only one is gay and he already gave me a nice let down. The love of my life (until I get a real one) is straight and one of my best friends ever - why the hell does he put up with me? maybe he doesnt understand the full extent of the love, maybe I shouldnt be writing this? ah he knows. And the last one is straight as well
Maybe its time to stop being picky and grab the first remotely interesting gay guy, whisper what everybody would love to hear in his ear: "You'll do" and suck face
Maybe its time to stop being picky and grab the first remotely interesting gay guy, whisper what everybody would love to hear in his ear: "You'll do" and suck face
Monday, April 17, 2006
What the Huevos?
I went down to LA for the first time in a LONG time. I was really nice to be back home.
It was my niece's 1st Bday, and I saw my sister's new house in Redondo for the first time. Of the family, I a the most disconnected. So it was nice to be with the whole family and it was a really nice day. All 3 nieces had a great day with their easter egg hunt. In typical asian fashion we ended up taking more than 400 pictures within a 4 hr. period (none of them coming anywhere near how good Cory's are)
Thankfully we only did an easter egg hunt and no painting eggs. I never quite understood the idea of painting easter eggs. Even as a 5 yr. old brat I thought to myself "And why I am doing this? What the hell am I gonna do with a painted egg... Don't give me no Jesus crap cuz he ain't got nothing to do with this shit" -I said it just like that too.
Seriously though. Painting easter Eggs? who came up with that and why? While easter egg hunts have nothing to do with Jesus and the resurrection at least I can see the fun in them:
"Well shit son, Not only did I find this colorful egg hidden in the bush, but damn, Is that chocolate? Who knew bunnies could spawn chocolate?"
Who can deny the fun adventure and tastiness of chocolate surprises? But painting eggs - its got nothing. As a 5 yr. old I'd rather paint on paper, color in my book, or hell anything else. Throw me some marbles and I'll be good for hrs. I'm sure Jesus ain't havin the painted egg thing either. In fact I think Jesus was talking to me when I thought to my 5 yr. old self "What the hell is going on here... painting eggs is the work of the devil, hand me more chocolate eggs. Damn it, why do I have to suffer through hunting them down... this suffering is unbearable, this must of been how bad it was for Jesus" - Yaaaaa thats it,
But family time was fun. The nieces love Uncle Michael. I enjoy being an uncle, because it comes with none of my own responsibility. It's a far better deal than actually having my own. I can just pop in, play a little, give some gifts here and there and instant love, then run
Being back home is soooo great. I still call LA home. most of my best friends are there. I was feeling isolationist before going down and was not sure if I wanted to see everyone, but I did, and it was really great. I need to remind myself to keep pushing forward so I can move back to LA and be with them. I belong there. The drive back here from LA seems to get longer each time. I also had a decent conversation with Kid on the way down, the lack of contact was exactly what I thought, but I didn't even have to pry for info, he just offered it up.
I need to remind myself to think about the future, mine is there with them. Everything should be about coming back home. My friends and career will be there. I need to start saving to go back as well
It was my niece's 1st Bday, and I saw my sister's new house in Redondo for the first time. Of the family, I a the most disconnected. So it was nice to be with the whole family and it was a really nice day. All 3 nieces had a great day with their easter egg hunt. In typical asian fashion we ended up taking more than 400 pictures within a 4 hr. period (none of them coming anywhere near how good Cory's are)
Thankfully we only did an easter egg hunt and no painting eggs. I never quite understood the idea of painting easter eggs. Even as a 5 yr. old brat I thought to myself "And why I am doing this? What the hell am I gonna do with a painted egg... Don't give me no Jesus crap cuz he ain't got nothing to do with this shit" -I said it just like that too.
Seriously though. Painting easter Eggs? who came up with that and why? While easter egg hunts have nothing to do with Jesus and the resurrection at least I can see the fun in them:
"Well shit son, Not only did I find this colorful egg hidden in the bush, but damn, Is that chocolate? Who knew bunnies could spawn chocolate?"
Who can deny the fun adventure and tastiness of chocolate surprises? But painting eggs - its got nothing. As a 5 yr. old I'd rather paint on paper, color in my book, or hell anything else. Throw me some marbles and I'll be good for hrs. I'm sure Jesus ain't havin the painted egg thing either. In fact I think Jesus was talking to me when I thought to my 5 yr. old self "What the hell is going on here... painting eggs is the work of the devil, hand me more chocolate eggs. Damn it, why do I have to suffer through hunting them down... this suffering is unbearable, this must of been how bad it was for Jesus" - Yaaaaa thats it,
But family time was fun. The nieces love Uncle Michael. I enjoy being an uncle, because it comes with none of my own responsibility. It's a far better deal than actually having my own. I can just pop in, play a little, give some gifts here and there and instant love, then run
Being back home is soooo great. I still call LA home. most of my best friends are there. I was feeling isolationist before going down and was not sure if I wanted to see everyone, but I did, and it was really great. I need to remind myself to keep pushing forward so I can move back to LA and be with them. I belong there. The drive back here from LA seems to get longer each time. I also had a decent conversation with Kid on the way down, the lack of contact was exactly what I thought, but I didn't even have to pry for info, he just offered it up.
I need to remind myself to think about the future, mine is there with them. Everything should be about coming back home. My friends and career will be there. I need to start saving to go back as well
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Fight and/or Flight
Most days I remember the worst, lamest, rudest, angriest, stupidest, most annoying customers. The sad fact is, this is because there is far more of this variety. Some days go on and you feel worse about humanity or maybe just Americans as a whole.
Now granted some cases the anger is warranted, but it is astonishing that the majority of the times that I am speaking of, the reaction is far from warranted, excusable or decent. People will yell and complain at you for as long as they have the breath to and they are more than willing to repeat themselves more than 5 times.
A. you get complaints about not receivng a package within 2 business days, and...
1. The standard policy clearly states "Free shipping for 6 business days"
2. They were told they were gonna get a free shipping upgrade to 2 business days for FREE (which normally costs $17)
3. They call at 12pm their time on the 2nd business day already mad and angry that they have not received what they didnt pay for and got for free.
4. You follow up later and it is in fact delivered as told, in 2 business days, just 2 hrs after they called. A service they never paid for
5. There was no specific event for which they were needing it.
B. You walk a customer (clearly in the same genreal age group as me, fully capable, articulate enough, and knows English well) through printing out a label and they sigh and complain about how hard it is and how long it takes. Yet you have walked MANY grandmas through the simple process, that have never shopped online and barely know how to use the internet, as well as several customers who can barely speak english, and all of these people exclaim how easy it is
There are sooooo many classic scenarios of angry customers whom really have no basis. I could keep writing for days. And most of the day coworkers will share shaked head and looks at each other. You constantly think to yourself "Wow! all that anger...Its just clothes" And quite honestly most complaints we are able to quickly fix, compensate, oversome etc, but these people that I am talking about will still keep complaining.
Well I wont go on with more details because that isnt even the point I will eventualy get to...
Most days the negatives jump out at you cuz there is so much to pick from and they are super ridiclous, but every now and then you get people that truly are good people. They have legitimate reason to be upset, but they are understanding and good natured... and you know what these people get far and away the greatest service as a result. I, and almost everyone else, will throw every compensation effort I am allowed to, at the person who has a legitmate complaint but acts with understanding and kindness. Those people get stuff done faster (in large part cuz they arent wasting our time complaining and yelling), and get more stuff done for them.
Good natured people usually stay that way and complainers usually just complain about everything. People seem ot stay consistant
So today I was glad to get several of the good people and towards the end of the day I had a very inspiring customer. Good natured all the way through, used my name and everything (I am slowly being better at this) He was buying some hiking boots and ended up telling me that he has had a long career documenting birds. He has done it for quite some time now, and is finally gettting recognition, and real support and money. We ended up having a nice little chat and I was super thankful to have the luck to get him. There was such dedication and joy in his work and his speaking of it, without a hint of pretense, preachiness or arrogance. Congrats to L
It was one of those small moments in life that you know are big for you, and eveything about it was just perfect.
I had just finished writing about taking time to myself at the beginning of the day, to plan and create the day in my head, and the topic of how ideas and thoughts when focused upon can turn to reality...
Self-filling prophecy - the phrase seems to be used as a negative most times, I dont see it that way at all.
The postive energy I focused upon came right back. Things are steadily taking off
Now granted some cases the anger is warranted, but it is astonishing that the majority of the times that I am speaking of, the reaction is far from warranted, excusable or decent. People will yell and complain at you for as long as they have the breath to and they are more than willing to repeat themselves more than 5 times.
A. you get complaints about not receivng a package within 2 business days, and...
1. The standard policy clearly states "Free shipping for 6 business days"
2. They were told they were gonna get a free shipping upgrade to 2 business days for FREE (which normally costs $17)
3. They call at 12pm their time on the 2nd business day already mad and angry that they have not received what they didnt pay for and got for free.
4. You follow up later and it is in fact delivered as told, in 2 business days, just 2 hrs after they called. A service they never paid for
5. There was no specific event for which they were needing it.
B. You walk a customer (clearly in the same genreal age group as me, fully capable, articulate enough, and knows English well) through printing out a label and they sigh and complain about how hard it is and how long it takes. Yet you have walked MANY grandmas through the simple process, that have never shopped online and barely know how to use the internet, as well as several customers who can barely speak english, and all of these people exclaim how easy it is
There are sooooo many classic scenarios of angry customers whom really have no basis. I could keep writing for days. And most of the day coworkers will share shaked head and looks at each other. You constantly think to yourself "Wow! all that anger...Its just clothes" And quite honestly most complaints we are able to quickly fix, compensate, oversome etc, but these people that I am talking about will still keep complaining.
Well I wont go on with more details because that isnt even the point I will eventualy get to...
Most days the negatives jump out at you cuz there is so much to pick from and they are super ridiclous, but every now and then you get people that truly are good people. They have legitimate reason to be upset, but they are understanding and good natured... and you know what these people get far and away the greatest service as a result. I, and almost everyone else, will throw every compensation effort I am allowed to, at the person who has a legitmate complaint but acts with understanding and kindness. Those people get stuff done faster (in large part cuz they arent wasting our time complaining and yelling), and get more stuff done for them.
Good natured people usually stay that way and complainers usually just complain about everything. People seem ot stay consistant
So today I was glad to get several of the good people and towards the end of the day I had a very inspiring customer. Good natured all the way through, used my name and everything (I am slowly being better at this) He was buying some hiking boots and ended up telling me that he has had a long career documenting birds. He has done it for quite some time now, and is finally gettting recognition, and real support and money. We ended up having a nice little chat and I was super thankful to have the luck to get him. There was such dedication and joy in his work and his speaking of it, without a hint of pretense, preachiness or arrogance. Congrats to L
It was one of those small moments in life that you know are big for you, and eveything about it was just perfect.
I had just finished writing about taking time to myself at the beginning of the day, to plan and create the day in my head, and the topic of how ideas and thoughts when focused upon can turn to reality...
Self-filling prophecy - the phrase seems to be used as a negative most times, I dont see it that way at all.
The postive energy I focused upon came right back. Things are steadily taking off
Friday, April 14, 2006
Obsession ... for men
I may need to either lower my standards, expand my tastes, move more quickly, or stop obsessing. I probably need to do all of that.
I find it is rare for me to get really interested in something... Not alot catches my attention at first, Not big on hobbies (sometimes I feel like I need some). But when I do get really interested I can obsess about it and bury my head into it. This is true with hobbies, music, people ... boys
It's either love on 1st contact or a long drawn out realization. Where is my middle?
I've been listening to a few songs nonstop lately: Rebellion(Lies) by Arcade Fire - this obsession is gonna go on 2 yrs since it came out in 2003, White Russian Galaxy by The Crimea, The Promise by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and a few others
The one that has really caught my fancy is White Russian Galaxy by The Crimea. I don't know whether its my mood that sets me in a place to really take to a song or the song that changes my mood? Which comes first, not sure. It may be the mood first, but the song eventually does alter my world.
For some reason, as if reality must shift to match the soundtrack that I am setting, life will alter according to my listening. Once one obsession begins in one area, another will have to resurface or open up in another area. And so of course, the doorway to my boycrazyness has suddenly reopened!
LET THE STALKING CONTINUE
A few key words on a public profile is sometimes all that it will take. Now a part of me is thinking "What if starfucker sees what I am writing here"
1. I don't advertise this blog.
2. He doesn't seem like a blogger.
3. If he has gone this far there must be some minor curiosity or he just may be having a good time laughing at me, much like I do with female friends at work when we make fun of their stalkers (who are actually real ones)
4. Who cares?
5. Who Knows?
6. If he has gone through the trouble of reading my blogs he would realize that my blogs rock! and if he doesn't he is not worthy of the greatness (and the tactless similes) hahaha
I really do need a hobby probably. Why cant I redirect this energy on other guys? Im just not interested, sometimes I wish I could lower my standards or change my tastes... but ya cant force attraction can you? I am obsessed with at least 1 straight boy, that if he were gay I'd be all over. But I cant direct my energy there cuz its a dead end... well Starfucker was a dead end a long time ago, but I seem to be trying to force that open, but at least he's gay.
Maybe I need to change the song on my playlist... but its soooooo good
Obsession ... its intoxicating
Currently listening to:
White Russian Galaxy by The Crimea over and over and over again
I find it is rare for me to get really interested in something... Not alot catches my attention at first, Not big on hobbies (sometimes I feel like I need some). But when I do get really interested I can obsess about it and bury my head into it. This is true with hobbies, music, people ... boys
It's either love on 1st contact or a long drawn out realization. Where is my middle?
I've been listening to a few songs nonstop lately: Rebellion(Lies) by Arcade Fire - this obsession is gonna go on 2 yrs since it came out in 2003, White Russian Galaxy by The Crimea, The Promise by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and a few others
The one that has really caught my fancy is White Russian Galaxy by The Crimea. I don't know whether its my mood that sets me in a place to really take to a song or the song that changes my mood? Which comes first, not sure. It may be the mood first, but the song eventually does alter my world.
For some reason, as if reality must shift to match the soundtrack that I am setting, life will alter according to my listening. Once one obsession begins in one area, another will have to resurface or open up in another area. And so of course, the doorway to my boycrazyness has suddenly reopened!
LET THE STALKING CONTINUE
A few key words on a public profile is sometimes all that it will take. Now a part of me is thinking "What if starfucker sees what I am writing here"
1. I don't advertise this blog.
2. He doesn't seem like a blogger.
3. If he has gone this far there must be some minor curiosity or he just may be having a good time laughing at me, much like I do with female friends at work when we make fun of their stalkers (who are actually real ones)
4. Who cares?
5. Who Knows?
6. If he has gone through the trouble of reading my blogs he would realize that my blogs rock! and if he doesn't he is not worthy of the greatness (and the tactless similes) hahaha
I really do need a hobby probably. Why cant I redirect this energy on other guys? Im just not interested, sometimes I wish I could lower my standards or change my tastes... but ya cant force attraction can you? I am obsessed with at least 1 straight boy, that if he were gay I'd be all over. But I cant direct my energy there cuz its a dead end... well Starfucker was a dead end a long time ago, but I seem to be trying to force that open, but at least he's gay.
Maybe I need to change the song on my playlist... but its soooooo good
Obsession ... its intoxicating
Currently listening to:
White Russian Galaxy by The Crimea over and over and over again
Who knows what goes on in that pretty little head?
Who knows what goes on in that pretty little head?
Thoughts turn to reality, and that really makes ya think don't it? Moods can shift with mere words. The days and nights are created or broken upon them. Thoughts and ideas can change the fabric of reality or that which we see as reality.
Some days I don't know what is real, or maybe its just that reality was forgotten and replaced with rote memory of what I have been doing... because... ?
Who knows?
A simple interpretation of a smile, comment, gesture, or lack of, will alter your day and even view or value. Perception. And if perception is not usually reality then how much of this is in our control? How much control do we have of our destiny, days and dreams
When days float by aimlessly they can plummet into a blackhole of nothingness. When I take it upon myself to take time to think about the day and how I will feel, what can happen, what is possible... this is when ideas and thoughts turn into particles and molecules that collide, connect, combust, and coalesce into something tangible and real... And then what can happen?
Who knows?
There have been many times where I felt, told myself, or voices told me something would happen and then it came into being. Does the feeling come from someplace real? Or is it self fulfilling prophecy, and I made it real?
But this makes me wonder, why then do I not spend just a little more time at the beginning of they day to think about how I will build and create that day for myself.
Lately little things I've been thinking have formulated and my mood and outlook have changed as a result...
Who knows what goes on in that pretty little head?
Listening to:
Zooropa by U2
Where The Streets Have No Name by U2
There Goes The Fear -The Doves
I Shall Be Released - Bob Dylan
White Russian Galaxy -The Crimea
Thoughts turn to reality, and that really makes ya think don't it? Moods can shift with mere words. The days and nights are created or broken upon them. Thoughts and ideas can change the fabric of reality or that which we see as reality.
Some days I don't know what is real, or maybe its just that reality was forgotten and replaced with rote memory of what I have been doing... because... ?
Who knows?
A simple interpretation of a smile, comment, gesture, or lack of, will alter your day and even view or value. Perception. And if perception is not usually reality then how much of this is in our control? How much control do we have of our destiny, days and dreams
When days float by aimlessly they can plummet into a blackhole of nothingness. When I take it upon myself to take time to think about the day and how I will feel, what can happen, what is possible... this is when ideas and thoughts turn into particles and molecules that collide, connect, combust, and coalesce into something tangible and real... And then what can happen?
Who knows?
There have been many times where I felt, told myself, or voices told me something would happen and then it came into being. Does the feeling come from someplace real? Or is it self fulfilling prophecy, and I made it real?
But this makes me wonder, why then do I not spend just a little more time at the beginning of they day to think about how I will build and create that day for myself.
Lately little things I've been thinking have formulated and my mood and outlook have changed as a result...
Who knows what goes on in that pretty little head?
Listening to:
Zooropa by U2
Where The Streets Have No Name by U2
There Goes The Fear -The Doves
I Shall Be Released - Bob Dylan
White Russian Galaxy -The Crimea
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Lost in Space and lame analogies
I just wrote a blog about taking time and effort to find connections when it seems like they could be there, or at least I think that is what its about. But actually it might have been more about seeing myself as separate, different, alien.
I just wrote about that as well somewhat, but I guess its absorbing my thoughts as of late. In some moments I flourish in my differences and truly shine and bring people into my world. It's like gravity, where others get caught up in my sphere and are pulled in and then revolve around me like moons and satellites.
Those times seem more rare now. I love that cockiness and arrogance as well, even in the writing of it, everything is about me, what a beautiful ass I can be
But there is the other side of this where at times I feel like I am drifting aimlessly in space, Alone is some distant nebula desperately trying to find other life-forms even slightly similar to mine, or maybe just someplace to land
Is this common? To go through life where connections are rare? To find ones that last? Do most people feel a disconnect from coworkers, society, even family at times? Are we all just looking for that ONE person to gravitate to or that gravitates toward us? Lately I think I find a natural pull toward someone, only to just be repelled,or skittered off, or some people are pulling toward me, but my atmosphere rejects them. Does it get harder and harder to find that natural harmony between different spheres that revolve and dance around each other, or is it that I am now just so stuck in a certain pattern that it makes it harder for others to even float nearby?
Right now I guess Im not only looking for that one guy to be my sun or moon, or vice versa, (probably a combo) I guess Im also looking for a whole solar system.
I do feel Lost in Space at the moment, and kinda spacey
I just wrote about that as well somewhat, but I guess its absorbing my thoughts as of late. In some moments I flourish in my differences and truly shine and bring people into my world. It's like gravity, where others get caught up in my sphere and are pulled in and then revolve around me like moons and satellites.
Those times seem more rare now. I love that cockiness and arrogance as well, even in the writing of it, everything is about me, what a beautiful ass I can be
But there is the other side of this where at times I feel like I am drifting aimlessly in space, Alone is some distant nebula desperately trying to find other life-forms even slightly similar to mine, or maybe just someplace to land
Is this common? To go through life where connections are rare? To find ones that last? Do most people feel a disconnect from coworkers, society, even family at times? Are we all just looking for that ONE person to gravitate to or that gravitates toward us? Lately I think I find a natural pull toward someone, only to just be repelled,or skittered off, or some people are pulling toward me, but my atmosphere rejects them. Does it get harder and harder to find that natural harmony between different spheres that revolve and dance around each other, or is it that I am now just so stuck in a certain pattern that it makes it harder for others to even float nearby?
Right now I guess Im not only looking for that one guy to be my sun or moon, or vice versa, (probably a combo) I guess Im also looking for a whole solar system.
I do feel Lost in Space at the moment, and kinda spacey
Land Your Spaceship
Sometimes you dream of things in your head and they play out so beautifully. You see connections and parallels or similarities, shared viewpoints, sense of humor, sensibility and senselessness that breathe life and hope that there may be others that can live on your planet
You do find these things to be true. You have found other aliens who are searching for the same life fuel that feeds them They may slow down slightly, then keep flying through space, looking for the same shit that they just past, and then complain they cant find it
Land your spaceship!
You do find these things to be true. You have found other aliens who are searching for the same life fuel that feeds them They may slow down slightly, then keep flying through space, looking for the same shit that they just past, and then complain they cant find it
Land your spaceship!
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Ringy Dingy
Cant keep my head in one place. Concentration is a foreign word suddenly. Random bubbles of thought and ideas are floating all around, they have no weight. Life is lie and fluffy at the moment.
Time is lost in nothingness and random acts. I was supposed to get some writing done this weekend. I did get some minor things done.. the miscellaneous errands. But the real vacuum was a new gadget. I found myself sucked up into my cell phone and lost in it the whole day... And I didn't even make any call! I had planned on it, but when I pulled myself out it was 11 40 something or other. Hours went into figuring out if it was possible, yet, to create true music ring tones on my new Motorola SLVR L7 - its far more gadgety-geek to through in the full name and add at least one key feature "with iTunes".
As a sidenote buying ringtones is insane! its costs 2-5 $ for 20-30 a sec snippet of a lesser quality song, with you can either download the whole song for free or buy it for a buck!
So finally, after sifting through endless online forums, guides, reviews, blogs, testing some software, and going back to the useless manual that might as well have been a coloring book, I pulled my head out of the rubbage and found the solution. It turned out to be somewhat of an easy fix but hard to find.
So after learning it is possible to create your own music ringtones for my "Motorola SLVR L7 with iTunes, net access and bluetooth (which I don't know how to use... yet). I naturally buried my head deep into my iTunes library and got busy quickly cutting and pasting snippets that would sound great, and that I would naturally want to imediately answer to when they ring for my attention. Of course the "Hello Hello" chorus of U2's Vertigo was my natural obvious first choice being the huge U2 fangeek that I am, and well its just obviously without being one. Prince Madonna and Guns N Roses were big winners.
After getting all excited to play with my toy and using sound editing software (however limited) I had to test it out. The opening notes of Paradise City will just scream for me to come running to answer the phone. It played on the phone and sounded great, but I had to hear/and see what it would sound like when someone actually calls. So I called myself Apparently I am not receiving phone calls.
I knew something was weird all week! It said "Cingular" on the display and the signal display went up when I popped in the SIM card. At some points during the week I wondered "Is no one really calling me?"
I know I placed myself into my own cocoon, so it didn't seem that odd. After a few phone calls I was able to get things straightened out and up n connected.
All was good in the world when I finally was able to call myself and hear "Hello Hello...Hola!" coming from the speakers of my wonderful tiny 4.47" x 1.93" x 0.45" "Motorola SLVR L7 with iTunes, net access, bluetooth and Up to 512 MB or removable TransFlash memory" Absolute heaven
Now if only someone would call so I can hear Madge or Prince in wonderful music ringtones calling me to answer... but will I pick up? Cuz then the song will be over
I'm hung up... I don't know what to do.
I bought a new phone and 1 of the last things I thought of to do with it, is make a call. My inner gaygeek really came out due to this.
Little things done, but not much of anything accomplished... fluff
Time is lost in nothingness and random acts. I was supposed to get some writing done this weekend. I did get some minor things done.. the miscellaneous errands. But the real vacuum was a new gadget. I found myself sucked up into my cell phone and lost in it the whole day... And I didn't even make any call! I had planned on it, but when I pulled myself out it was 11 40 something or other. Hours went into figuring out if it was possible, yet, to create true music ring tones on my new Motorola SLVR L7 - its far more gadgety-geek to through in the full name and add at least one key feature "with iTunes".
As a sidenote buying ringtones is insane! its costs 2-5 $ for 20-30 a sec snippet of a lesser quality song, with you can either download the whole song for free or buy it for a buck!
So finally, after sifting through endless online forums, guides, reviews, blogs, testing some software, and going back to the useless manual that might as well have been a coloring book, I pulled my head out of the rubbage and found the solution. It turned out to be somewhat of an easy fix but hard to find.
So after learning it is possible to create your own music ringtones for my "Motorola SLVR L7 with iTunes, net access and bluetooth (which I don't know how to use... yet). I naturally buried my head deep into my iTunes library and got busy quickly cutting and pasting snippets that would sound great, and that I would naturally want to imediately answer to when they ring for my attention. Of course the "Hello Hello" chorus of U2's Vertigo was my natural obvious first choice being the huge U2 fangeek that I am, and well its just obviously without being one. Prince Madonna and Guns N Roses were big winners.
After getting all excited to play with my toy and using sound editing software (however limited) I had to test it out. The opening notes of Paradise City will just scream for me to come running to answer the phone. It played on the phone and sounded great, but I had to hear/and see what it would sound like when someone actually calls. So I called myself Apparently I am not receiving phone calls.
I knew something was weird all week! It said "Cingular" on the display and the signal display went up when I popped in the SIM card. At some points during the week I wondered "Is no one really calling me?"
I know I placed myself into my own cocoon, so it didn't seem that odd. After a few phone calls I was able to get things straightened out and up n connected.
All was good in the world when I finally was able to call myself and hear "Hello Hello...Hola!" coming from the speakers of my wonderful tiny 4.47" x 1.93" x 0.45" "Motorola SLVR L7 with iTunes, net access, bluetooth and Up to 512 MB or removable TransFlash memory" Absolute heaven
Now if only someone would call so I can hear Madge or Prince in wonderful music ringtones calling me to answer... but will I pick up? Cuz then the song will be over
I'm hung up... I don't know what to do.
I bought a new phone and 1 of the last things I thought of to do with it, is make a call. My inner gaygeek really came out due to this.
Little things done, but not much of anything accomplished... fluff
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
My People?
I don't know what is wrong with my people.
Maybe its self-fulfilling prophecy. I have always felt estranged from an particular group, scene, clique or whatever. I've always felt like an outsider, and in some cases have a certain pride and arrogance about that. I kinda thought, after accepting my gayness, that this might end or I might find my people or something.
This is not the case at all. In fact, currently I feel even more out of place. So you would think that lack of sex and any real relationship would just drive me into a wild frenzy of sex and debauchery and I would just slut it up and go dickwild, since I came out so late.
Lately I'm barely even horny (of course I'm horny in general, but not much). IM a total gaysnob - I've been to the clubs and bars, but find the scene empty, kinda boring, superficial, and with really bad taste in music. I started to get my feet wet on the internet and go to places like myspace, manhunt, and gay.com but the latter 2 is all about sex, and for some reason I just am not interested at all.
I tried out craigslist, and even under the platonic section alot of that crap is just about hooking up. On myspace there are always advertisements for "outpersonals" So I decided to look them up. It sounded much tamer than manhunt or gay.com. The very first page of profiles was full of the main pic of guy's profiles, which were all close-up of DICKS. DICKS everywhere! You didn't even need to sign in or anything. BAM Penis in your face!
At the same time I emailed a few seemingly "normal" gay guys on myspace not even out of attraction but just because they appeared to be normal. Turn out at least one super paranoid asking me several times "how did you find me?" - Dude! Its a fricken public forum
In a day or 2, maybe 3, I will have less of a bitter taste in my mouth for gays, but for now... Fags suck ass! hahaha
Maybe its self-fulfilling prophecy. I have always felt estranged from an particular group, scene, clique or whatever. I've always felt like an outsider, and in some cases have a certain pride and arrogance about that. I kinda thought, after accepting my gayness, that this might end or I might find my people or something.
This is not the case at all. In fact, currently I feel even more out of place. So you would think that lack of sex and any real relationship would just drive me into a wild frenzy of sex and debauchery and I would just slut it up and go dickwild, since I came out so late.
Lately I'm barely even horny (of course I'm horny in general, but not much). IM a total gaysnob - I've been to the clubs and bars, but find the scene empty, kinda boring, superficial, and with really bad taste in music. I started to get my feet wet on the internet and go to places like myspace, manhunt, and gay.com but the latter 2 is all about sex, and for some reason I just am not interested at all.
I tried out craigslist, and even under the platonic section alot of that crap is just about hooking up. On myspace there are always advertisements for "outpersonals" So I decided to look them up. It sounded much tamer than manhunt or gay.com. The very first page of profiles was full of the main pic of guy's profiles, which were all close-up of DICKS. DICKS everywhere! You didn't even need to sign in or anything. BAM Penis in your face!
At the same time I emailed a few seemingly "normal" gay guys on myspace not even out of attraction but just because they appeared to be normal. Turn out at least one super paranoid asking me several times "how did you find me?" - Dude! Its a fricken public forum
In a day or 2, maybe 3, I will have less of a bitter taste in my mouth for gays, but for now... Fags suck ass! hahaha
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Place My Order For Disorder
ts calm and quiet, the house is looking good. No more kids running scurrying about. No chaos mess and paint. It's clean. Everything is in order and coming together.
Things are fine at work, it's going well.
I want to fuck it all up. I have the urge to create a huge mess. I am already missing my sister Marianne and my nieces. She's an ocean of energy that you can be swallowed up and drown in, but if you ride her current right, its amazing.
Certain people bring out the best in you. Marianne has always been that. She pushes me out of my shell and is always ready to encourage me. While she tends to overanalyze like it do, she also just throws herself out there as well.
Things are fine at work, it's going well.
I want to fuck it all up. I have the urge to create a huge mess. I am already missing my sister Marianne and my nieces. She's an ocean of energy that you can be swallowed up and drown in, but if you ride her current right, its amazing.
Certain people bring out the best in you. Marianne has always been that. She pushes me out of my shell and is always ready to encourage me. While she tends to overanalyze like it do, she also just throws herself out there as well.
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