My nieces have been all over me for almost 2 weeks now. They love me, and they are the only kids I love or even like (and my other sister's girl too) I wish I could have gone with them to Cirucs Circus but they went while I was at work. Next time they come I will have to request at least 1 weekday off.
Brooke n Autumn ar super goofy and smart too. Adults try to talk around kids and speak in code, but both of them will chime into the conversation just when you thought you had successfully talked around them.
1 afternoon Uncle Michael woke up and was on his way to shower. Both little girls came screaming and running to play with me. "Uncle Michael, Uncle Michael... are you going to play Princess with us. Princess Pricess"
my reply: "Is that what you think of Uncle Michael?"
They seemed to stop and ponder this for a moment. They may have actually got it ;D
I'll actually miss the little ones when they leave
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Marbles
That is super lame... I just made a gayass butterfly reference to myself. That last blog deserves a unicorn rainbow sticker attached to it - the type your 3rd grade teacher, whose bright colorful socks matches her huge earrings, would give you as a reward for an A+ paper on what you did over summer.
I almost wanted to erase that shit, but I have a no deleting rule on my blogs. What's the point of making them public in the first place if I'm afraid to make mistakes and have them be seen. Plus this whole blog is about lameness, even tough that one was very unintentional he he
My marbles are clanking all around in my head, making a huge clanging messy noise. They are mostly the generic clear ones with the blue n green swirl. But I know there are some really radical white cat's eyes, big bomber ones - that could totally win me more from the rest of the kids, cuz this limp wrist can really swing n jerk n flick a good one, and some gnarly red ones too.
Its a mess: I haven't touched my script in a little while. My cousin visited with her new daughter. The Weekend after, my oldest sister visited with her one yr old daughter. Now My other sister is here with her 2 daughters. Kids are everywhere. My Scheduled recently changed, I've started going to the gym for the first time in a long while. We are rearranging reorganizing and moving around a lot of stuff due to the remodeling of the loft and painting. Its kinda messy and so is my head.
Part of me is moving fully forward with my job, health (finding a new doctor and dentist, and going to the gym and changing eating habits), getting finances straightened out, and trying to organize my life around what matters. The other half of me is sort of regressing. Having to sort through paperwork and files is bringing back memories of a life I forgot. There is also a shyness in me at work that I have not experienced in years
Its chaotic, familiar, strange, and everything is rolling around in my noggin, and its good. I'm kinda losin hold of my marbles but its fun playing with them...
as a side note: I was giving myself every excuse not to go to the gym tonight after work. Most were legitimate, esp since I was having stomach problems all day... But I got my fat volatile ass there without losing any... Um marbles
I almost wanted to erase that shit, but I have a no deleting rule on my blogs. What's the point of making them public in the first place if I'm afraid to make mistakes and have them be seen. Plus this whole blog is about lameness, even tough that one was very unintentional he he
My marbles are clanking all around in my head, making a huge clanging messy noise. They are mostly the generic clear ones with the blue n green swirl. But I know there are some really radical white cat's eyes, big bomber ones - that could totally win me more from the rest of the kids, cuz this limp wrist can really swing n jerk n flick a good one, and some gnarly red ones too.
Its a mess: I haven't touched my script in a little while. My cousin visited with her new daughter. The Weekend after, my oldest sister visited with her one yr old daughter. Now My other sister is here with her 2 daughters. Kids are everywhere. My Scheduled recently changed, I've started going to the gym for the first time in a long while. We are rearranging reorganizing and moving around a lot of stuff due to the remodeling of the loft and painting. Its kinda messy and so is my head.
Part of me is moving fully forward with my job, health (finding a new doctor and dentist, and going to the gym and changing eating habits), getting finances straightened out, and trying to organize my life around what matters. The other half of me is sort of regressing. Having to sort through paperwork and files is bringing back memories of a life I forgot. There is also a shyness in me at work that I have not experienced in years
Its chaotic, familiar, strange, and everything is rolling around in my noggin, and its good. I'm kinda losin hold of my marbles but its fun playing with them...
as a side note: I was giving myself every excuse not to go to the gym tonight after work. Most were legitimate, esp since I was having stomach problems all day... But I got my fat volatile ass there without losing any... Um marbles
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Cocoon
I have a habit of waiting until things are perfect. The problem is they never will be Its fine to strive towards perfection, but not at the cost of waiting or holding myself back.
Lately I've noticed I have been pulling back into myself . There is less of a desire to go clubbing or to bars. At first I thought it might be just be a temporary shift or change in attitude and mood. Maybe it was being tired or lazy. I would purposefully back away and stay at home or avoid nitelife slowly burying myself into a cocoon. And that is it right there.
When I write I sometimes find myself doing the same thing. I will hit a certain spot, then back away and avoid it for a while. It seems like I'm just stuck at first. But I'm seeing that I will know what I need to write and where it need to go,l but It doesn't feel just right just yet, so instead of getting something down, I stop, and bury myself away. I'm waiting for, or building up to "That perfect moment"
Fuckin butterfly shit!
But that is it, isn't it. I'm walling myself in until I reach that perfection that's in my head. While its not all waiting around, there is work on my part, it is still hiding away and closing myself off.
Lately I've noticed I have been pulling back into myself . There is less of a desire to go clubbing or to bars. At first I thought it might be just be a temporary shift or change in attitude and mood. Maybe it was being tired or lazy. I would purposefully back away and stay at home or avoid nitelife slowly burying myself into a cocoon. And that is it right there.
When I write I sometimes find myself doing the same thing. I will hit a certain spot, then back away and avoid it for a while. It seems like I'm just stuck at first. But I'm seeing that I will know what I need to write and where it need to go,l but It doesn't feel just right just yet, so instead of getting something down, I stop, and bury myself away. I'm waiting for, or building up to "That perfect moment"
Fuckin butterfly shit!
But that is it, isn't it. I'm walling myself in until I reach that perfection that's in my head. While its not all waiting around, there is work on my part, it is still hiding away and closing myself off.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
She only cries when...
I am the lamest brother on earth. My sister is over visiting and I completely forgot to call her on her birthday a few days ago.
She brought my little niece as well, When I saw the baby this morning I walked over to it, to say Hi. I've only seen this niece, in person, once. As I was walking over to it, she was looking at me with great curiosity, like a foreign creature she had never before - Like a fawn frollicking in the snow after you've just walked through a wardrobe . She seemed very happy and content, smiling and playing with her food.
The instant I touched her, the gates of hell opened. It knew, she watched me approach from afar, studied me intently and then unleashed her deadly defense mechanism instinctually. It could sense I am an enemy to babykind. Damn those little things are loud and relentless. How does such wail come out of such a little thing -BANSHEE!
My sister came downstairs a few minutes later. I related to actions of her offspring to her - I told on baby! Then my sister said to my mom "See didn't I tell you she would cry? She only cries around Michael"
She brought my little niece as well, When I saw the baby this morning I walked over to it, to say Hi. I've only seen this niece, in person, once. As I was walking over to it, she was looking at me with great curiosity, like a foreign creature she had never before - Like a fawn frollicking in the snow after you've just walked through a wardrobe . She seemed very happy and content, smiling and playing with her food.
The instant I touched her, the gates of hell opened. It knew, she watched me approach from afar, studied me intently and then unleashed her deadly defense mechanism instinctually. It could sense I am an enemy to babykind. Damn those little things are loud and relentless. How does such wail come out of such a little thing -BANSHEE!
My sister came downstairs a few minutes later. I related to actions of her offspring to her - I told on baby! Then my sister said to my mom "See didn't I tell you she would cry? She only cries around Michael"
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Burn
DEATH!
I went to the gym for a 2nd night last nite. I thought I could do 30 min of straight cardio since I did 20 the night before, but I did WORSE! I was thinking that I would slowly ease into the weight room and build up to that, get myself used to going first, and that cardio would be easier.
I tried a different machine this time thinking it might be easier. After 5 minutes I was a sweaty pig. 10 minutes took everything my legs had and they were about to give. My legs were sore burning and shaking after just 10 minutes. But at least I decided, since I failed in cardio that nite, my upper body was not tired so I went to do some lite weights. I mean really lite. I've always been a pansyboy that can't lift much, so after not doing anything in months this was really pathetic
Today my body is aching and tingling but it feels great. I think I will take a day off tonight, but will go tomorrow night
I went to the gym for a 2nd night last nite. I thought I could do 30 min of straight cardio since I did 20 the night before, but I did WORSE! I was thinking that I would slowly ease into the weight room and build up to that, get myself used to going first, and that cardio would be easier.
I tried a different machine this time thinking it might be easier. After 5 minutes I was a sweaty pig. 10 minutes took everything my legs had and they were about to give. My legs were sore burning and shaking after just 10 minutes. But at least I decided, since I failed in cardio that nite, my upper body was not tired so I went to do some lite weights. I mean really lite. I've always been a pansyboy that can't lift much, so after not doing anything in months this was really pathetic
Today my body is aching and tingling but it feels great. I think I will take a day off tonight, but will go tomorrow night
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Disconnect
I have been without my computer for a few days and it was scary. It is scary for many different reasons...
The first bit of panic was wondering if my computer was gone, then after some time I realized "SHIT what about my music! I think over 80 G of music on there" Then I started to realize everything that could be lost, my documents, records, passwords, addresses, MY GOOD GAY PORN, the music was the biggest thing, until... I suddenly remembered my script! I DON'T HAVE a recent copy of my script saved elsewhere! That this was my biggest concern, was a little surprising
Aside from what could have been lost, the other thing that was scary was what is missing. Without my computer I was suddenly lost, and didn't know quite what to do with myself. Yes I went out and saw friends, but aside from that I was kind of blank. I realized that my LIFE revolves completely around the computer: My work, my music, videos, my writing, email, chat, blogging,... everything I need including passwords, accounts, and paying bills. What is frightening, is that there was not much of my life outside of my computer
When was the last time I road a bike, played tennis, did something active? I rarely even go out to clubs and go dancing in recent months.
Finally my ass made it to the gym last nite, and that was really scary as well. I have been back to the gym, after several months of not going before. This time it really hurt. I almost died finishing 20 minutes on the damn cardio thing. My legs were burning and aching. It was sobering to feel how far I have fallen. I was never the most active kid, but this was just ridiculous.
So I am looking at getting into shape and going to the gym with a slightly different perspective. Its not just about looking good and health. It is also about having a part of life that is free from the computer. I am super motivated now to go regularly... But for now, baby steps. 30 minutes at least. And I will see if I get to the weight room, that might take a few more visits, but right now my goal is just to go regularly.
The first bit of panic was wondering if my computer was gone, then after some time I realized "SHIT what about my music! I think over 80 G of music on there" Then I started to realize everything that could be lost, my documents, records, passwords, addresses, MY GOOD GAY PORN, the music was the biggest thing, until... I suddenly remembered my script! I DON'T HAVE a recent copy of my script saved elsewhere! That this was my biggest concern, was a little surprising
Aside from what could have been lost, the other thing that was scary was what is missing. Without my computer I was suddenly lost, and didn't know quite what to do with myself. Yes I went out and saw friends, but aside from that I was kind of blank. I realized that my LIFE revolves completely around the computer: My work, my music, videos, my writing, email, chat, blogging,... everything I need including passwords, accounts, and paying bills. What is frightening, is that there was not much of my life outside of my computer
When was the last time I road a bike, played tennis, did something active? I rarely even go out to clubs and go dancing in recent months.
Finally my ass made it to the gym last nite, and that was really scary as well. I have been back to the gym, after several months of not going before. This time it really hurt. I almost died finishing 20 minutes on the damn cardio thing. My legs were burning and aching. It was sobering to feel how far I have fallen. I was never the most active kid, but this was just ridiculous.
So I am looking at getting into shape and going to the gym with a slightly different perspective. Its not just about looking good and health. It is also about having a part of life that is free from the computer. I am super motivated now to go regularly... But for now, baby steps. 30 minutes at least. And I will see if I get to the weight room, that might take a few more visits, but right now my goal is just to go regularly.
Short a few circuits
So it has been a while since I posted a blog. Its been a while since I have been able to get to my computer.
Last Wednesday we had a whole built in desk and shelve unit installed in the loft. The parents are fixing up the place and Im happy for them. I confirmed multiple times, that the contractors would be here on Wednesday, and that I would have an early shift on Tuesday and be able to take apart my computer AFTER I got home from work.
So I got home Tuesday and my Beautiful Mac G4, my baby, my child, my love, whom I have never had problems with, was already taken apart for me. I felt a little bad because I told them I would do it, and they went ahead and did it for me.
Wednesday after work, it was exciting to see the new countertop in the kitchen and the new cabinets, and the new built-in in the loft. Everything looked nice, and my parents were excited. After taking it all in and talking with them, I went to work putting "my love" back together. When I pressed the power button... nothing. Reconnected, checked the power and all the connections, still not a sign of life... my baby was not even crying for help. I did everything I could think of, checked the manual and, nothing, not even a little whimper
NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE PRECIOUS
So I ask the old man "Did you turn the computer off before you took it apart", and he responded "Oh I didn't know it was on". Now when My Precious is in sleep mode, the monitor is black but the ON button shimmers in a radiant white light when darkness falls and other lights fail.
After some reading I find out that the problem could be a battery. It clearly seems a power problem since when I hold the ON button the Elfin light shimmers, but once I let go it fades to darkness. So I buy a new battery the next day hoping this will breathe new life into My Precious. It fails, and I ask my dad again "Did you turn off the computer before you took it apart?" but this time he responds "I must have. That can't be the problem"
WOW he changed his story! He backtracked and even tried to suggest that problem is from a completely different source. How old is he? It felt like questioning a child!
Old man lies, He takes the Precious away from us!
Well, after taking it to the Apple Store it turns out that the solution was really simple. There is a reset switch inside. I must have been delirious, because I was looking for a reset switch inside and couldn't find it. RIght when I explained the problem to the guy his first question was "Did you short it or unplug it?"
NO master, We would never do that to My Precious.
So I got home and hooked it up. When I got there, I found that the rest of my computer was all hooked up and plugged in, I just needed to attach it to the tower, But of course I look at my speakers, which has color coded male connectors that also has shapes guide and direct anyone to easily hook it up properly, and prevent things from going in the wrong hole, or so it would seem. The POWER cord was jammed into the female connector of the right speaker, which now does not work.
Sometimes my parents surprise me. They can be very competent in certain areas, but other areas which seem foolproof they seem to lack logic, or missing a few precious brain cells
Last Wednesday we had a whole built in desk and shelve unit installed in the loft. The parents are fixing up the place and Im happy for them. I confirmed multiple times, that the contractors would be here on Wednesday, and that I would have an early shift on Tuesday and be able to take apart my computer AFTER I got home from work.
So I got home Tuesday and my Beautiful Mac G4, my baby, my child, my love, whom I have never had problems with, was already taken apart for me. I felt a little bad because I told them I would do it, and they went ahead and did it for me.
Wednesday after work, it was exciting to see the new countertop in the kitchen and the new cabinets, and the new built-in in the loft. Everything looked nice, and my parents were excited. After taking it all in and talking with them, I went to work putting "my love" back together. When I pressed the power button... nothing. Reconnected, checked the power and all the connections, still not a sign of life... my baby was not even crying for help. I did everything I could think of, checked the manual and, nothing, not even a little whimper
NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE PRECIOUS
So I ask the old man "Did you turn the computer off before you took it apart", and he responded "Oh I didn't know it was on". Now when My Precious is in sleep mode, the monitor is black but the ON button shimmers in a radiant white light when darkness falls and other lights fail.
After some reading I find out that the problem could be a battery. It clearly seems a power problem since when I hold the ON button the Elfin light shimmers, but once I let go it fades to darkness. So I buy a new battery the next day hoping this will breathe new life into My Precious. It fails, and I ask my dad again "Did you turn off the computer before you took it apart?" but this time he responds "I must have. That can't be the problem"
WOW he changed his story! He backtracked and even tried to suggest that problem is from a completely different source. How old is he? It felt like questioning a child!
Old man lies, He takes the Precious away from us!
Well, after taking it to the Apple Store it turns out that the solution was really simple. There is a reset switch inside. I must have been delirious, because I was looking for a reset switch inside and couldn't find it. RIght when I explained the problem to the guy his first question was "Did you short it or unplug it?"
NO master, We would never do that to My Precious.
So I got home and hooked it up. When I got there, I found that the rest of my computer was all hooked up and plugged in, I just needed to attach it to the tower, But of course I look at my speakers, which has color coded male connectors that also has shapes guide and direct anyone to easily hook it up properly, and prevent things from going in the wrong hole, or so it would seem. The POWER cord was jammed into the female connector of the right speaker, which now does not work.
Sometimes my parents surprise me. They can be very competent in certain areas, but other areas which seem foolproof they seem to lack logic, or missing a few precious brain cells
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Family knows a good piece a meat
Last night I had dinner at Hamburger Mary's . The burgers really are good, Gay men know a good piece of meat.
Its supergay, the waiters are obviously gay, there is lame house music blaring a little too loud, and the names of the plates are a little suggestive. In walks this group of six - I older man and woman, a young twink boy, and 2 cheerleader looking girls. By this time I have finished off a Long Island - Hamburger Mary's seem to have to best, they go down fast and get you buzzin in seconds. So I thought to myself "Thats on odd group" not thinking much at all.
I looked over at them and thought "That man looks straight acting, and those girls don't look like faghag material, and the wife seems outta place.... the boy looks potentially gay but not out of the closet... what is going on with these people, and what a strange group to be together" Then after a while I realized, wait a minute, that is a family (damn those Long Islands are good).
I watched them for a while. Their eyes seemed to shift cautiously around. The twink got up to go to the bathroom as if he were leaving the trenches and going into no-man's land, his heading looking in all directions in anticipation of enemy fire. His movements were cautious and quick. The cheerleader girls were whispering to one another, their pompoms seeming to be flat and deflated - no spirit left in them. The older man took a questioning look at the "foreign" menu while his wife nudged him, obviously frightened, and whispered in his ear. Then they all gave each other a shared look, and they knew. It was like they could communicate solely with this one look and completely understand one another and what actions must be taken. They knew they had entered "NO Woman Land" (The lesbians petting each other across from them, apparently don't count) They knew they must escape!
Once the twink got back... they swarmed! In fluid motion the whole family moved in unison to surround him. They swaddled and protected him as if he were a delicate weapon - which if in the wrong limp-wristed hands could easily set off a massive, ... eruption. The twink was so well covered that he vanished behind the wall of straightness and they all made their way in flash. The water left with nothing to do but place his hand on his hip and sigh "Oh My Gawd... Breeders"
I would love to re-enact this scene in a "straight" restaurant
Its supergay, the waiters are obviously gay, there is lame house music blaring a little too loud, and the names of the plates are a little suggestive. In walks this group of six - I older man and woman, a young twink boy, and 2 cheerleader looking girls. By this time I have finished off a Long Island - Hamburger Mary's seem to have to best, they go down fast and get you buzzin in seconds. So I thought to myself "Thats on odd group" not thinking much at all.
I looked over at them and thought "That man looks straight acting, and those girls don't look like faghag material, and the wife seems outta place.... the boy looks potentially gay but not out of the closet... what is going on with these people, and what a strange group to be together" Then after a while I realized, wait a minute, that is a family (damn those Long Islands are good).
I watched them for a while. Their eyes seemed to shift cautiously around. The twink got up to go to the bathroom as if he were leaving the trenches and going into no-man's land, his heading looking in all directions in anticipation of enemy fire. His movements were cautious and quick. The cheerleader girls were whispering to one another, their pompoms seeming to be flat and deflated - no spirit left in them. The older man took a questioning look at the "foreign" menu while his wife nudged him, obviously frightened, and whispered in his ear. Then they all gave each other a shared look, and they knew. It was like they could communicate solely with this one look and completely understand one another and what actions must be taken. They knew they had entered "NO Woman Land" (The lesbians petting each other across from them, apparently don't count) They knew they must escape!
Once the twink got back... they swarmed! In fluid motion the whole family moved in unison to surround him. They swaddled and protected him as if he were a delicate weapon - which if in the wrong limp-wristed hands could easily set off a massive, ... eruption. The twink was so well covered that he vanished behind the wall of straightness and they all made their way in flash. The water left with nothing to do but place his hand on his hip and sigh "Oh My Gawd... Breeders"
I would love to re-enact this scene in a "straight" restaurant
Running On Empty
Maybe not so long ago I might has seen tonight differently
It was the first Friday I have been out in MONTHS - since I started my job. It was nice to be out. We went out to eat then drink and clubbing. 2 of the people I was with had some personal stuff going on... Maybe just a month or 2 ago, I would have been a cold ass and thought to myself "Just get over it, lamass" But not now, not this time. Tonight I just felt bad for them. I also felt empty. There was a part of me that wanted to trade my emptiness for their pain, cuz it would at least mean something was going on and some boy wanted me to some extent. What I have now is absolutely nothing.
Most of the night I hid behind my hoodie, that needs to end
It was the first Friday I have been out in MONTHS - since I started my job. It was nice to be out. We went out to eat then drink and clubbing. 2 of the people I was with had some personal stuff going on... Maybe just a month or 2 ago, I would have been a cold ass and thought to myself "Just get over it, lamass" But not now, not this time. Tonight I just felt bad for them. I also felt empty. There was a part of me that wanted to trade my emptiness for their pain, cuz it would at least mean something was going on and some boy wanted me to some extent. What I have now is absolutely nothing.
Most of the night I hid behind my hoodie, that needs to end
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Stalking The Troops pt3: The Return of the Stalker
2006-02-08
The Chronicles of lameness Continued
So the majority of girls told me to just send him a message through myspace. I was supposed to just write it quick and send it off fast so I don’t overthink it like I do with EVERYTHING. But I ended up showing it to Stef who told me I sounded like a blathering idiot... Ended up taking forever to edit it down and it was still lame. Finally I just said fuck it and sent it.
Basically I just told him that there was something really intriguing about him other than just being cute and I wanted to find out more, and then asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime and if he had been to Beauty Bar – One of the few things I do know through actually talking with him is that he is just getting into Indie rock so this seemed ideal and casual.
I told myself I wouldn’t be stupid and just check on my myspace messages tomorrow. I started to work on my screenplay, but that didn’t work at all! So I put in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, but eventually when it got to the dessert love scene and broke down and rushed over to myspace to see if he had logged in or sent me a message... NOTHING!
This back n forth obsessive checking for messages went on for HOURS! and nothing. Till finally 12am hit and then I could at least tell if he had at least logged on since the date changed to 2/8/06 and and his “last login date still showed 2/7/06” YES! Excessive stalking taken to new heights! So finally it was a little before 2am when I last checked and still nothing, but I was in the middle of downloading a few songs. And when they finished ....”NEW MESSAGE”!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!
But there was NO way I was gonna read it right then and there! That would just appear obsessive and stalkerish (he can see if I have read the message), and we all know I'm neither of those things! SO I went to bed all dreamy and happy.
I woke up really early without the alarm! I never do that on an off day! But I wasn’t gone touch that message till after 10am - “Cuz I'm not a stalker”
And so ...
“ Aww, I went on first Friday, but didn't actually GO inside. I want to make it there sometime this month. I have just been incredibly busy with EVERYTHING. Between work and maintaining a few freindships, I hardly have time for anything these days! But, every now and then opportunities exist, so we'll see what happens. =) “
Sigh... It ends :(
My Jnr Highschool girl daydreams are shattered! hahahhah I'm taking his poster off my wall and scratching his name off my peachee folders
sigh
The Chronicles of lameness Continued
So the majority of girls told me to just send him a message through myspace. I was supposed to just write it quick and send it off fast so I don’t overthink it like I do with EVERYTHING. But I ended up showing it to Stef who told me I sounded like a blathering idiot... Ended up taking forever to edit it down and it was still lame. Finally I just said fuck it and sent it.
Basically I just told him that there was something really intriguing about him other than just being cute and I wanted to find out more, and then asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime and if he had been to Beauty Bar – One of the few things I do know through actually talking with him is that he is just getting into Indie rock so this seemed ideal and casual.
I told myself I wouldn’t be stupid and just check on my myspace messages tomorrow. I started to work on my screenplay, but that didn’t work at all! So I put in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, but eventually when it got to the dessert love scene and broke down and rushed over to myspace to see if he had logged in or sent me a message... NOTHING!
This back n forth obsessive checking for messages went on for HOURS! and nothing. Till finally 12am hit and then I could at least tell if he had at least logged on since the date changed to 2/8/06 and and his “last login date still showed 2/7/06” YES! Excessive stalking taken to new heights! So finally it was a little before 2am when I last checked and still nothing, but I was in the middle of downloading a few songs. And when they finished ....”NEW MESSAGE”!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!
But there was NO way I was gonna read it right then and there! That would just appear obsessive and stalkerish (he can see if I have read the message), and we all know I'm neither of those things! SO I went to bed all dreamy and happy.
I woke up really early without the alarm! I never do that on an off day! But I wasn’t gone touch that message till after 10am - “Cuz I'm not a stalker”
And so ...
“ Aww, I went on first Friday, but didn't actually GO inside. I want to make it there sometime this month. I have just been incredibly busy with EVERYTHING. Between work and maintaining a few freindships, I hardly have time for anything these days! But, every now and then opportunities exist, so we'll see what happens. =) “
Sigh... It ends :(
My Jnr Highschool girl daydreams are shattered! hahahhah I'm taking his poster off my wall and scratching his name off my peachee folders
sigh
Stalking The Troops pt2
2006-02-05
So no real new activity yet. Although I was EXTEMELY happy and relieved this morning before work, when I checked Starfucker’s myspace page... He had deleted about 50 people from his friends list, and I survived... This is the 4th round of mass deletion I have survived...
You didn’t think I could get much lamer did you? Think about the level of lameness I have achieved here...It is quite an accomplishment I feel:
1. Note, that I mentioned I checked myspace before work... I work at 530am... This means I was on that damn thing just to check his page BEFORE most people get up.
2. The fact that I can estimate fairly closely about how many people he deleted means I had a pretty good notion of how many “friends” he had on his list to begin with.
3. I actually know how many times I have “survived” mass deletions oh his part.
4. This simple “event” made me extremely giddy.
My life needs some excitement as you can see, esp. on work days where I am pretty much useless outside once I’m done with work.
Today, during the 1st several hours of work and sat around with a huge dufus smile on my face daydreaming about him, ... about us. (I don’t even know the fucker):
1. Somehow though, in my head, Starfucker and I are saving up to buy a place together after I am done with school.
2. We even cook for each other.
3. I wont fold my clothes but I happily fold his, even his boxer briefs – into nice little squares ... and no whites because he looks hotter in black or colors boxerbreifs, and less possibility of the freak stain, gross.
4. We of course go clubbing occasionally where I have to drag his hot ass out onto the dance floor cuz he is shy about dancing and does it about as well as Koob, but that’s OK cuz I can just point and laugh and we’ll have a good time.
5. We go the the shooting range, and he has to wrap around me help me aim as he straddles me...you know with my good eyes n all – this somehow makes him feel like more of a man and I can actually aim ok with the good eye but I let him have this (He actually does love guns).
6. We take really cheesy prom pictures since neither of us went to our prom ( I have no idea if he actually went). Somehow, a unicorn ends up in our prom pics just for shits n giggles. He passes the pictures out to customers at Starbucks, inserting them in the drink sleeve.
7. Sometimes I let him top.
8. He gets me to work out more... We work out together and often have sex in the Gym... But only after I have gotten into better shape.
9. One of my petnames for him is Doppio – In case you weren't aware that is Starbucks lingo for a double espresso shot. An occasional pet-name for his is Venti or Grande, depending...
10. We eventually throw great house parties
11. We go to SDA churches just for fun sometimes, to suck face and dry hump each other and then leave, for shock value
12. I learn to play football and catch a ball like a normal boy, just so we can have an excuse to see each other in football uniforms, although even then there really is no need to wear them. He still throws like a girl sometimes though.
13. We take roadtrips that are meant to go further but never end up that far cuz we get too horny.
14. We go to tons of indierock shows (he is actually just getting into indie rock! there is real basis to this one)
15. I always hear that heavenly sound which lies somewhere between a pig squeal and donkey whine because he is always laughing at my jokes. He snorts chocolate milk through his nose as a result quite often (I guess this means he loves chocolate milk?)
There was more daydreaming but I cant remember all of it.
So no real new activity yet. Although I was EXTEMELY happy and relieved this morning before work, when I checked Starfucker’s myspace page... He had deleted about 50 people from his friends list, and I survived... This is the 4th round of mass deletion I have survived...
You didn’t think I could get much lamer did you? Think about the level of lameness I have achieved here...It is quite an accomplishment I feel:
1. Note, that I mentioned I checked myspace before work... I work at 530am... This means I was on that damn thing just to check his page BEFORE most people get up.
2. The fact that I can estimate fairly closely about how many people he deleted means I had a pretty good notion of how many “friends” he had on his list to begin with.
3. I actually know how many times I have “survived” mass deletions oh his part.
4. This simple “event” made me extremely giddy.
My life needs some excitement as you can see, esp. on work days where I am pretty much useless outside once I’m done with work.
Today, during the 1st several hours of work and sat around with a huge dufus smile on my face daydreaming about him, ... about us. (I don’t even know the fucker):
1. Somehow though, in my head, Starfucker and I are saving up to buy a place together after I am done with school.
2. We even cook for each other.
3. I wont fold my clothes but I happily fold his, even his boxer briefs – into nice little squares ... and no whites because he looks hotter in black or colors boxerbreifs, and less possibility of the freak stain, gross.
4. We of course go clubbing occasionally where I have to drag his hot ass out onto the dance floor cuz he is shy about dancing and does it about as well as Koob, but that’s OK cuz I can just point and laugh and we’ll have a good time.
5. We go the the shooting range, and he has to wrap around me help me aim as he straddles me...you know with my good eyes n all – this somehow makes him feel like more of a man and I can actually aim ok with the good eye but I let him have this (He actually does love guns).
6. We take really cheesy prom pictures since neither of us went to our prom ( I have no idea if he actually went). Somehow, a unicorn ends up in our prom pics just for shits n giggles. He passes the pictures out to customers at Starbucks, inserting them in the drink sleeve.
7. Sometimes I let him top.
8. He gets me to work out more... We work out together and often have sex in the Gym... But only after I have gotten into better shape.
9. One of my petnames for him is Doppio – In case you weren't aware that is Starbucks lingo for a double espresso shot. An occasional pet-name for his is Venti or Grande, depending...
10. We eventually throw great house parties
11. We go to SDA churches just for fun sometimes, to suck face and dry hump each other and then leave, for shock value
12. I learn to play football and catch a ball like a normal boy, just so we can have an excuse to see each other in football uniforms, although even then there really is no need to wear them. He still throws like a girl sometimes though.
13. We take roadtrips that are meant to go further but never end up that far cuz we get too horny.
14. We go to tons of indierock shows (he is actually just getting into indie rock! there is real basis to this one)
15. I always hear that heavenly sound which lies somewhere between a pig squeal and donkey whine because he is always laughing at my jokes. He snorts chocolate milk through his nose as a result quite often (I guess this means he loves chocolate milk?)
There was more daydreaming but I cant remember all of it.
Stalking The Troops
This was an email sent to my freinds. It is probably the seed, or maybe turning point in my bloggin or online journaling. It was also a turning point in life perspective. How the Chronicles of lameness germinated, and having an attitude to not just mock my own lameness but fully embrace it, and hide practically nothing. I already am this way with close freinds, but felt the need to be this way completely.
So since this email was fairly personal, really lame, and started a shift in writing for me in general, I thought I needed to post it here. Its really freakin long so if you're about to read, grab yourself a snack so you don't fall asleep at the keyboard:
2006-02-02
History of Mike's Lameness: The Starfucker Chapters
Flashback to the Gap days, probably May.
At this point I usually worked a 7a-4p shift in the stock room, lifting boxes, unpacking, breaking down boxes, and sorting clothes and then putting them away. By 2pm its Starbucks time... I need an energy booster. We go to Starbucks right next door. My friend Amy is a sassy little round ball of a girl, quick with the tongue. She’s so skilled with her wit she'll slice you a new one - Koob would be sashimi’d in a second. She loves me, and naturally I am fond of her - natural faghag material. She just started working at another Starbucks so she is spitting out a bunch of comments about how things should be done and need to be improved here. I’m just laughing along not noticing anything at all. Then suddenly the Gates of Heaven opened up and spewed forth the most gorgeous Starbucks boy that ever lived.
Amy is being her usual self, cracking jokes, then, out comes this sound. It was a sound with enough power to take away the words from Amy’s mouth... The impossible happened, she was speechless! As impossible to imagine as Kathy being dumbfounded and struck mute when in full-blown erect prairie dog attack mode.
While Amy was stunned into silence...
The sound can only be described as somewhere between a pig’s snort and a donkey whine... With the same stuttering nonstop repetition
I was in my own heaven! This boy is beautiful and he has won me over with his freakish otherworldly mating call. I knew... Like the way you know you’re gonna have a good shit - not just one of those 1 – 2 droplets, but the kind where you feel all emptied out and have delivered an ugly baby.
Amy gives me a look, expecting me to crack up with her at what she just experienced. Both our mouths are gaping open in disbelief. She kept nudging me, expecting me to bust out laughing with her, eventually her egging turning to frustration and then realization. NO! You can’t be falling for that dufus!
And so started my obsession with Starfucker.
Before this heavenly moment I didn’t go to Starbucks much at all. I quickly became a regular. But it was rare that I would see him. But on the few occasions I did see him, I was tired, a little sweaty, smelling of cardboard plastic and the sweat and blood of the 3rd world children who made the clothes mixed with my own. Covered in little scraps from boxes and packaging and dust. I could never seem to get him when they took our order; he was always doing something in the back. The few times I did, all I got out was lame small talk.
So I didn’t see him for a long time, and then one day I took my friend Billy home. We stopped by Starbucks on the way out, and Billy being Billy (this is the guy that is turning into a cross-dresser) asked for his number. WOW! That was fine cuz if I was too scared to, I’m not gonna stop him. But he called and got nowhere.
Everyone else at that Starbucks I can have much better small talk with and they know my name and drink. Starfucker never seems to know it!
One day I am waiting for my friends at the movies. I call them up. And some guy comes up to me, ITS HIM! He introduces himself and knows my fuckin name! STARFUCKER KNOWS MY NAME. I get all excited and try to get off the phone but end up fumbling around retardedly. And while I am trying to get off the phone, for some reason, he keeps talking! I even gave him the hold on, and told him wait Ill get off the phone, but dufus kept on talking, and by the time I got off he was gone.
Weirdo! Who keeps talking while someone is obviously on the phone? But that lameness just intrigued me.
1 or 2 more run-ins happened with no results. One day Billy runs into him out in the hallways of the mall. In typical Junior High School fashion (as this crush has already been going) Billy goes up to him and says “Hey ___! You know my friend Mike? I think he likes you”. Thanks for the Junior High School flashback Billy – Tomorrow lets pass him a note and fold it into clever little origami shapes. So Starfucker responds “Oh I just started seeing someone... But if you want to hang out I’m usually at Hamburger Mary’s on Fridays”
Billy and I went one of the following Fridays, he wasn’t there; he was at the Killers Concert which somehow I didn’t know about (ARG). Turns out he was not lying about seeing someone. By this time I was stalking him online. And his myspace status changed to “In a relationship” and he had a new faggy boy on the TOP of his top 8 peeps on myspace. Myspace has really because a stalker’s tool. So relief, it wasn’t just a nice letdown!
End of crush... Until one fine day! FAGBOY is gone from his myspace Top 8, and his status is changed to Single! The Stalking recommences. BUT By this time, I am no longer working at the mall. In fact I rarely have gone to the mall at all. There have been a handful of small exchanges with him on myspace but that’s it.
And one day I was getting over a flu or cold and went into Starbucks, he was there! I tried to have a conversation with him but it just didn’t go anywhere!
Now a little background: Everyone keeps telling me how weird he is. There are a few Gap workers who also work at that Starbucks, and several say that Starfucker is weird but no one can say exactly how or why. His myspace responses also allude to this as well. Conversation or communication may not be his strongest skill... Maybe that’s why he is usually in the back when working? Or maybe it’s the pig-donkey laugh? But whatever the case... The weirdness has me even more intrigued!
So VERY LONG story, just a tiny bit shorter... Fast-forward. We have a company party at the end of January at Studio 54, closed off for just us with free booze! I decide to go to the mall and buy some clothes. If I see him I would try to muster up the courage to ask the fucker out, and go with me to the party (He just turned 21 in Nov. I haven't seen him since, cuz of work and never being at the mall). Fuckhead wasn’t there! So I took my gay friend. It was a side goal to try and discover who at work was obviously gay, or at least somewhat gay – turns out we became the “obvious gays”
Every single guy who I thought might be gay and also the ones who I hoped were gay, introduced me to their frickin girlfriends. There was one, who I don’t even like at all, but was just hoping to find some gay friends, who introduced me to his girlfriend, and I think I was drunk enough to actually blurt out loud, “Girlfriend? Really?” But my freind and I got super plastered, and I guess I made a few small discoveries about myself. I definitely have no attraction to him. We are both drunk and horny and he is all over me, more just out of loneliness and horniness. And I had to push him away a little. So guess I’m not naturally a slut... Maybe after my first time I could be but not now. Also I guess if I have a little bitch on my arm I naturally go into full-blown butch with him. Cuz as we are dancing all over the place I got really aggro grabbing and pushing him really aggressively – I think at one point I had his belt wrapped around his neck and his pants were practically falling off. But every time he would get too close, I’d let him know who was boss and shove him away... I think this means I may be more of a top than a bottom, or at least with an obvious bottom boy I take complete control.
Anyways that was a bit of a side story. Back to Starfucker. So I wasn’t able to ask him to the party damn it. And I’ve been growing more and more antsy that I just have to do something about it...
Last week I had to go to UNLV, and made a call to one of my friends to ask her where to park, She didn’t answer. After I was done I decide to go to the mall (this mall is not close to where I live, its on the strip). Check to see if Starfucker is there... NO! So I decide to check to see if any of my friends are working (they are all in separate stores now, so it takes a little time to walk all around) I look afar to see if Starfucker is there but I don't see him. I’m almost at my car when I get a call from my friend who I called earlier. So I go back up to talk to her while she is on her break. And she is getting all serious and shit. Then out of the corner of my eye (the bad one) I see that he has passed by! He’s here! But I have to pay attention to serious shit for now until she has to go back from her break. After this I of course go to Starbucks and the line is long. But he is there still in street clothes. We just smile at each other. By the time I get up to the counter he has gone to the back to clock in FUCK
So just a few days earlier He posted a bulletin on Myspace about supporting the troops (His best friend is in the Military) and if we wanted to send anything send it to his unit. So after I missed him at Starbucks, out of lameness and shyness, I needed more of an excuse to message him on myspace. I ended up buying a CASE of Pringles for his friend’s unit! A CASE! That is like 19 canisters! But Starfucker replied back to me :) So yes, there was a part of me that was doing it because I don’t do shit for my country and these people put themselves in danger to protect us (whether I agree with them being there is a different issue) so why not send something to them. But the real driving force behind my “Supporting The Troops” was to get with one of the Troops buddies!
I’ve been growing restless and NEED to do something about my crush on Starfucker...
IT’S MALL TIME!
Again, similar scenario. I check Starbucks first. He isn't there. I go to Gap to talk with one of my friends while she is on Break, check Starbucks... Still don’t see him. Visit other stores to see if my friends are working. Then I call up my freind on my way out to see if he still wants me to meet him at Hamburger Mary’s. As I am getting off the phone, I see from afar a guy with pants that are too stiff and not tight enough to be hot, and not loose enough to be cool. IT’s HIM! But I am too far to catch up to him and its too lame to run or yell after him! ARG!
BUT he is going outside, and there is another exit to where I think he should be heading! I RUN in that direction. It is like a chase scene from a really cheesy romance movie. Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts in the late 90s would gladly take my role. Just as I open the doors to the outside there he is! It’s like fate! This is supposed to happen! We exchange small talk. He says he is going to Treasure Island to meet some people and see a show.... The Pirate show. (Dufus! You live here!). And all that comes out of my mouth is “Oh do you want to meet us at Hamburger Mary’s”
Starfucker: “Why is there anything going on?”
Me: “I’m just meeting my friend to eat.... And grab a drink”
Starfucker: “Oh one of my friends is only 17, I don’t think he can get in... We’ll see what we can do”
And ... Nothing... Didn’t ask for his number, didn’t ask him out like I planned on doing, didn’t even flirt cuz I was in a panic and was just trying to form a sentence (and catch my breath and look like I wasn’t running)
After this "chance meeting" I had posted a cheesy comment on his myspace. He is one those people who requires a comment to be read and accepted before it is posted online. Naturally, stalker that I am, I was waiting impatiently for him to "accept" So yesterday I was feeling loserish, cuz he hadn’t “accepted” my comment on his myspace page. And if he hadn't accepted a simple stupid comment that would definitely qualify as outright rejection as opposed to where I am not, which is one step away from rejection... I will take that step thank you. So finally at around midnight Starfucker accepted my lame comment! And that made my day hahahhahahha
Wooohooooo. I can still make another attempt! But now what? The mall run-in was OK this once, but another one would definitely look stalkerish (even though I am stalking him, I cant LOOK like I am). And asking him out over myspace would be lame I think.
So that is my Junior High Non-Romance story up to now. I wish I knew how to quit him... But not until I get an outright rejection.
So since this email was fairly personal, really lame, and started a shift in writing for me in general, I thought I needed to post it here. Its really freakin long so if you're about to read, grab yourself a snack so you don't fall asleep at the keyboard:
2006-02-02
History of Mike's Lameness: The Starfucker Chapters
Flashback to the Gap days, probably May.
At this point I usually worked a 7a-4p shift in the stock room, lifting boxes, unpacking, breaking down boxes, and sorting clothes and then putting them away. By 2pm its Starbucks time... I need an energy booster. We go to Starbucks right next door. My friend Amy is a sassy little round ball of a girl, quick with the tongue. She’s so skilled with her wit she'll slice you a new one - Koob would be sashimi’d in a second. She loves me, and naturally I am fond of her - natural faghag material. She just started working at another Starbucks so she is spitting out a bunch of comments about how things should be done and need to be improved here. I’m just laughing along not noticing anything at all. Then suddenly the Gates of Heaven opened up and spewed forth the most gorgeous Starbucks boy that ever lived.
Amy is being her usual self, cracking jokes, then, out comes this sound. It was a sound with enough power to take away the words from Amy’s mouth... The impossible happened, she was speechless! As impossible to imagine as Kathy being dumbfounded and struck mute when in full-blown erect prairie dog attack mode.
While Amy was stunned into silence...
The sound can only be described as somewhere between a pig’s snort and a donkey whine... With the same stuttering nonstop repetition
I was in my own heaven! This boy is beautiful and he has won me over with his freakish otherworldly mating call. I knew... Like the way you know you’re gonna have a good shit - not just one of those 1 – 2 droplets, but the kind where you feel all emptied out and have delivered an ugly baby.
Amy gives me a look, expecting me to crack up with her at what she just experienced. Both our mouths are gaping open in disbelief. She kept nudging me, expecting me to bust out laughing with her, eventually her egging turning to frustration and then realization. NO! You can’t be falling for that dufus!
And so started my obsession with Starfucker.
Before this heavenly moment I didn’t go to Starbucks much at all. I quickly became a regular. But it was rare that I would see him. But on the few occasions I did see him, I was tired, a little sweaty, smelling of cardboard plastic and the sweat and blood of the 3rd world children who made the clothes mixed with my own. Covered in little scraps from boxes and packaging and dust. I could never seem to get him when they took our order; he was always doing something in the back. The few times I did, all I got out was lame small talk.
So I didn’t see him for a long time, and then one day I took my friend Billy home. We stopped by Starbucks on the way out, and Billy being Billy (this is the guy that is turning into a cross-dresser) asked for his number. WOW! That was fine cuz if I was too scared to, I’m not gonna stop him. But he called and got nowhere.
Everyone else at that Starbucks I can have much better small talk with and they know my name and drink. Starfucker never seems to know it!
One day I am waiting for my friends at the movies. I call them up. And some guy comes up to me, ITS HIM! He introduces himself and knows my fuckin name! STARFUCKER KNOWS MY NAME. I get all excited and try to get off the phone but end up fumbling around retardedly. And while I am trying to get off the phone, for some reason, he keeps talking! I even gave him the hold on, and told him wait Ill get off the phone, but dufus kept on talking, and by the time I got off he was gone.
Weirdo! Who keeps talking while someone is obviously on the phone? But that lameness just intrigued me.
1 or 2 more run-ins happened with no results. One day Billy runs into him out in the hallways of the mall. In typical Junior High School fashion (as this crush has already been going) Billy goes up to him and says “Hey ___! You know my friend Mike? I think he likes you”. Thanks for the Junior High School flashback Billy – Tomorrow lets pass him a note and fold it into clever little origami shapes. So Starfucker responds “Oh I just started seeing someone... But if you want to hang out I’m usually at Hamburger Mary’s on Fridays”
Billy and I went one of the following Fridays, he wasn’t there; he was at the Killers Concert which somehow I didn’t know about (ARG). Turns out he was not lying about seeing someone. By this time I was stalking him online. And his myspace status changed to “In a relationship” and he had a new faggy boy on the TOP of his top 8 peeps on myspace. Myspace has really because a stalker’s tool. So relief, it wasn’t just a nice letdown!
End of crush... Until one fine day! FAGBOY is gone from his myspace Top 8, and his status is changed to Single! The Stalking recommences. BUT By this time, I am no longer working at the mall. In fact I rarely have gone to the mall at all. There have been a handful of small exchanges with him on myspace but that’s it.
And one day I was getting over a flu or cold and went into Starbucks, he was there! I tried to have a conversation with him but it just didn’t go anywhere!
Now a little background: Everyone keeps telling me how weird he is. There are a few Gap workers who also work at that Starbucks, and several say that Starfucker is weird but no one can say exactly how or why. His myspace responses also allude to this as well. Conversation or communication may not be his strongest skill... Maybe that’s why he is usually in the back when working? Or maybe it’s the pig-donkey laugh? But whatever the case... The weirdness has me even more intrigued!
So VERY LONG story, just a tiny bit shorter... Fast-forward. We have a company party at the end of January at Studio 54, closed off for just us with free booze! I decide to go to the mall and buy some clothes. If I see him I would try to muster up the courage to ask the fucker out, and go with me to the party (He just turned 21 in Nov. I haven't seen him since, cuz of work and never being at the mall). Fuckhead wasn’t there! So I took my gay friend. It was a side goal to try and discover who at work was obviously gay, or at least somewhat gay – turns out we became the “obvious gays”
Every single guy who I thought might be gay and also the ones who I hoped were gay, introduced me to their frickin girlfriends. There was one, who I don’t even like at all, but was just hoping to find some gay friends, who introduced me to his girlfriend, and I think I was drunk enough to actually blurt out loud, “Girlfriend? Really?” But my freind and I got super plastered, and I guess I made a few small discoveries about myself. I definitely have no attraction to him. We are both drunk and horny and he is all over me, more just out of loneliness and horniness. And I had to push him away a little. So guess I’m not naturally a slut... Maybe after my first time I could be but not now. Also I guess if I have a little bitch on my arm I naturally go into full-blown butch with him. Cuz as we are dancing all over the place I got really aggro grabbing and pushing him really aggressively – I think at one point I had his belt wrapped around his neck and his pants were practically falling off. But every time he would get too close, I’d let him know who was boss and shove him away... I think this means I may be more of a top than a bottom, or at least with an obvious bottom boy I take complete control.
Anyways that was a bit of a side story. Back to Starfucker. So I wasn’t able to ask him to the party damn it. And I’ve been growing more and more antsy that I just have to do something about it...
Last week I had to go to UNLV, and made a call to one of my friends to ask her where to park, She didn’t answer. After I was done I decide to go to the mall (this mall is not close to where I live, its on the strip). Check to see if Starfucker is there... NO! So I decide to check to see if any of my friends are working (they are all in separate stores now, so it takes a little time to walk all around) I look afar to see if Starfucker is there but I don't see him. I’m almost at my car when I get a call from my friend who I called earlier. So I go back up to talk to her while she is on her break. And she is getting all serious and shit. Then out of the corner of my eye (the bad one) I see that he has passed by! He’s here! But I have to pay attention to serious shit for now until she has to go back from her break. After this I of course go to Starbucks and the line is long. But he is there still in street clothes. We just smile at each other. By the time I get up to the counter he has gone to the back to clock in FUCK
So just a few days earlier He posted a bulletin on Myspace about supporting the troops (His best friend is in the Military) and if we wanted to send anything send it to his unit. So after I missed him at Starbucks, out of lameness and shyness, I needed more of an excuse to message him on myspace. I ended up buying a CASE of Pringles for his friend’s unit! A CASE! That is like 19 canisters! But Starfucker replied back to me :) So yes, there was a part of me that was doing it because I don’t do shit for my country and these people put themselves in danger to protect us (whether I agree with them being there is a different issue) so why not send something to them. But the real driving force behind my “Supporting The Troops” was to get with one of the Troops buddies!
I’ve been growing restless and NEED to do something about my crush on Starfucker...
IT’S MALL TIME!
Again, similar scenario. I check Starbucks first. He isn't there. I go to Gap to talk with one of my friends while she is on Break, check Starbucks... Still don’t see him. Visit other stores to see if my friends are working. Then I call up my freind on my way out to see if he still wants me to meet him at Hamburger Mary’s. As I am getting off the phone, I see from afar a guy with pants that are too stiff and not tight enough to be hot, and not loose enough to be cool. IT’s HIM! But I am too far to catch up to him and its too lame to run or yell after him! ARG!
BUT he is going outside, and there is another exit to where I think he should be heading! I RUN in that direction. It is like a chase scene from a really cheesy romance movie. Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts in the late 90s would gladly take my role. Just as I open the doors to the outside there he is! It’s like fate! This is supposed to happen! We exchange small talk. He says he is going to Treasure Island to meet some people and see a show.... The Pirate show. (Dufus! You live here!). And all that comes out of my mouth is “Oh do you want to meet us at Hamburger Mary’s”
Starfucker: “Why is there anything going on?”
Me: “I’m just meeting my friend to eat.... And grab a drink”
Starfucker: “Oh one of my friends is only 17, I don’t think he can get in... We’ll see what we can do”
And ... Nothing... Didn’t ask for his number, didn’t ask him out like I planned on doing, didn’t even flirt cuz I was in a panic and was just trying to form a sentence (and catch my breath and look like I wasn’t running)
After this "chance meeting" I had posted a cheesy comment on his myspace. He is one those people who requires a comment to be read and accepted before it is posted online. Naturally, stalker that I am, I was waiting impatiently for him to "accept" So yesterday I was feeling loserish, cuz he hadn’t “accepted” my comment on his myspace page. And if he hadn't accepted a simple stupid comment that would definitely qualify as outright rejection as opposed to where I am not, which is one step away from rejection... I will take that step thank you. So finally at around midnight Starfucker accepted my lame comment! And that made my day hahahhahahha
Wooohooooo. I can still make another attempt! But now what? The mall run-in was OK this once, but another one would definitely look stalkerish (even though I am stalking him, I cant LOOK like I am). And asking him out over myspace would be lame I think.
So that is my Junior High Non-Romance story up to now. I wish I knew how to quit him... But not until I get an outright rejection.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Full Tilt
So I had a phone conversation with Koob recently. I love talking to him. Things also seem clearer after I have a good chat.
Somehow I got on the topic of gay stereotypes and I was mentioning that I don't think I'm the stereotypical faggot. I was patting myself on the back about how I don't seem to have the stereotypical overly feminine traits, or overly butch posture, the gay taste in music, the drama, or queenyness, or lisp, or trail at the end of the sentence, nor do i worship Divas and like shitty house music, and I don't know any musicals. I was quite proud of this "accomplishment"
While I am praising my own nonconformity and uniqueness from the rest of "those people", I ask Koob, "Do I have any stereotypical gayness?" And he says
Koob: "You do the head tilt"
Me: "THE head tilt"
Koob: "Yup, the head tilt"
Me: "You're not talking about the one they do when the are questioning or analyzing or observing something"
Koob: "That's the one"
My head snaps back in HORROR! Not Me! So I am sitting there, going through every time I can think and visualize myself thinking, questioning or analyzing something, esp. something physical. Memories flash in my head. I am deep in concentration, trying to conjure up every memory of this. Gradually the right side of my neck begins to crink. Why does my right shoulder fell a little heavier than it should? And why is the room slightly slanted?
As it hits me, I yell into the phone, facing it, as if the outdated green display were a screen he can see me in.
"I HATE YOU"
hmmmmmmmmm (finger slowly and sheepishly moving up toward mouth)
Somehow I got on the topic of gay stereotypes and I was mentioning that I don't think I'm the stereotypical faggot. I was patting myself on the back about how I don't seem to have the stereotypical overly feminine traits, or overly butch posture, the gay taste in music, the drama, or queenyness, or lisp, or trail at the end of the sentence, nor do i worship Divas and like shitty house music, and I don't know any musicals. I was quite proud of this "accomplishment"
While I am praising my own nonconformity and uniqueness from the rest of "those people", I ask Koob, "Do I have any stereotypical gayness?" And he says
Koob: "You do the head tilt"
Me: "THE head tilt"
Koob: "Yup, the head tilt"
Me: "You're not talking about the one they do when the are questioning or analyzing or observing something"
Koob: "That's the one"
My head snaps back in HORROR! Not Me! So I am sitting there, going through every time I can think and visualize myself thinking, questioning or analyzing something, esp. something physical. Memories flash in my head. I am deep in concentration, trying to conjure up every memory of this. Gradually the right side of my neck begins to crink. Why does my right shoulder fell a little heavier than it should? And why is the room slightly slanted?
As it hits me, I yell into the phone, facing it, as if the outdated green display were a screen he can see me in.
"I HATE YOU"
hmmmmmmmmm (finger slowly and sheepishly moving up toward mouth)
Glutton for punishment
Im one step closer, so I'll just take a few sidesteps
I have to learn that just because I can do something, it doesn't mean I should. I just finished a credit counseling session to straighten out my shit. I easily spend my money, and borrow money on cards "because it's available". That's how my financial mess started... well partly, the other part was a poor and extremely costly business move, but all of it I could have prevented.
Right after I finished the session, which takes me that much closer to be being where I want to be financially, I called up Lyma to go have All You Can Eat Sushi, because I was right there.
So we had a great time laughing it up as we usually do, and stuffing ourselves silly. But now my stomach is aching and going to explode. This is also why I need to lose weight and can barely fit into my size 4 girl jeans, which at one point I looked decent rather than scary in. And right now Im bloated as hell, because I ate a plethora of sushi, an insane amount...
"Because it was available"
and instead of saving almost $30, which could have been put away toward my hotness, I am moaning in extreme fullness... now its nowhere near my heart-attack of 1996, but it could easily be avoided
Im gonna open up a new Savings account, or mutual fund for my self, and call it "My Hotness" fund so every time I am tempted to gorge myself in such an extreme way, I can just remind myself to put it into my hotness instead hahahahahha
I have to learn that just because I can do something, it doesn't mean I should. I just finished a credit counseling session to straighten out my shit. I easily spend my money, and borrow money on cards "because it's available". That's how my financial mess started... well partly, the other part was a poor and extremely costly business move, but all of it I could have prevented.
Right after I finished the session, which takes me that much closer to be being where I want to be financially, I called up Lyma to go have All You Can Eat Sushi, because I was right there.
So we had a great time laughing it up as we usually do, and stuffing ourselves silly. But now my stomach is aching and going to explode. This is also why I need to lose weight and can barely fit into my size 4 girl jeans, which at one point I looked decent rather than scary in. And right now Im bloated as hell, because I ate a plethora of sushi, an insane amount...
"Because it was available"
and instead of saving almost $30, which could have been put away toward my hotness, I am moaning in extreme fullness... now its nowhere near my heart-attack of 1996, but it could easily be avoided
Im gonna open up a new Savings account, or mutual fund for my self, and call it "My Hotness" fund so every time I am tempted to gorge myself in such an extreme way, I can just remind myself to put it into my hotness instead hahahahahha
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