Last night I had dinner at Hamburger Mary's . The burgers really are good, Gay men know a good piece of meat.
Its supergay, the waiters are obviously gay, there is lame house music blaring a little too loud, and the names of the plates are a little suggestive. In walks this group of six - I older man and woman, a young twink boy, and 2 cheerleader looking girls. By this time I have finished off a Long Island - Hamburger Mary's seem to have to best, they go down fast and get you buzzin in seconds. So I thought to myself "Thats on odd group" not thinking much at all.
I looked over at them and thought "That man looks straight acting, and those girls don't look like faghag material, and the wife seems outta place.... the boy looks potentially gay but not out of the closet... what is going on with these people, and what a strange group to be together" Then after a while I realized, wait a minute, that is a family (damn those Long Islands are good).
I watched them for a while. Their eyes seemed to shift cautiously around. The twink got up to go to the bathroom as if he were leaving the trenches and going into no-man's land, his heading looking in all directions in anticipation of enemy fire. His movements were cautious and quick. The cheerleader girls were whispering to one another, their pompoms seeming to be flat and deflated - no spirit left in them. The older man took a questioning look at the "foreign" menu while his wife nudged him, obviously frightened, and whispered in his ear. Then they all gave each other a shared look, and they knew. It was like they could communicate solely with this one look and completely understand one another and what actions must be taken. They knew they had entered "NO Woman Land" (The lesbians petting each other across from them, apparently don't count) They knew they must escape!
Once the twink got back... they swarmed! In fluid motion the whole family moved in unison to surround him. They swaddled and protected him as if he were a delicate weapon - which if in the wrong limp-wristed hands could easily set off a massive, ... eruption. The twink was so well covered that he vanished behind the wall of straightness and they all made their way in flash. The water left with nothing to do but place his hand on his hip and sigh "Oh My Gawd... Breeders"
I would love to re-enact this scene in a "straight" restaurant
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9 comments:
And this is why they should all see the gay cowboy movie, right! ha
You know, sometimes it's a good thing to step outside of the comfort zone and experience life out of the element. But unfortunately it doesn't sound like Hamburger Mary's provides a breeder-friendly, family environment with the sexually suggestive items on the menu. It's like Rod's Hamburgers and Head Hunters--two gay establishments not far from where we live. I'm sure that they are fun to go to but probably not the first place that I would take my family (when I have kids in the future). I'm all for gay establishments and gay rights but I am also for family values and keeping children pure as long as we can. Having sexually suggestive names for food items, regardless of who owns and operates the restaurant, is fun for everybody but the parents. It might go against what they are teaching their kids at home and is reason for possibly feeling a bit awkward and maybe even leaving a restaurant.
I think that both sides need to understand that we are all misunderstanding each other. Too many times do we misread situations and quickly judge by writing it off as, "Oh my god... Breeders!" Maybe reality would be closer to something like, "Oh man. I think that they felt uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment."
I'm not saying that it wasn't exactly as you saw it. It's a great story. I totally laughed when I read it and I can totally visualize it happening... I think that I'm compelled to write something a little deeper tonight because I just finished watching, or maybe I should say, experiencing, Hotel Rwanda.... It all comes down to this: I just want us to better understand each other so that we don't have these awkward encounters and most importantly, find a way to get along!
I do think that you should write the straight restaurant version of the story just for fun! That would be really awesome!
Damn I need to see Hotel Rawanda, I havent rented a movie in forever.
I just thought it was a funny story. My writing tends to lean toward the ridiulous, and highlighting awkward moments... I don't think I portayed the family as being biggots or predjudice. It was just an awkward moment. And I think I portrayed the gay establishment in equal mocking nature, in fact I think I set it up so any reader could understand why they were uncomfortable. But, again, I just found the whole thing amusing
Mike, it's totally an amusing story. I think that my initial reaction to it had to do more with all that I have been hearing in the news about Brokeback Mountain (people not wanting to see it because it's a "gay movie" and all that comes with that) and then the fact that I just watched Hotel Rwanda. It really saddens me how closed-minded people can be... Dude, I'm sorry if I came across as being critical of your writing or read past the simple nature of the awkward moment you described so well. That's not at all where I was coming from. It was more of a reflection of where I was at... Like I said, I think it's a great story and very well told for that matter....
If you get the chance, you should see Hotel Rwanda. It really spoke to me on a lot of issues and I don't think that I have ever reacted this way to any movie.
no problemo dude... just wanted to make sure I didn't come off as being one of those faggots that's a straighthater he he
Ya, I will have to see it, I keep hearing and reading how good it is
Love the lingo, Mike!
Mike, funny.
I have never heard the term "straighthater" too as you said in the comments. Amusing.
There is a Hamburger Mary's in Sactown. I've never gone there, not because I'm afraid to, but my path just has not crossed there yet. Is it really good?
Ya thier hamburgers are pretty good.
I dont actually know if "straighthater" has been accepted into the "official" faggot DICKtionary hahaha
Don't Hate on Straight!
I hear that the word has been accepted by a gay encyclopenia or two.
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